


No Me Diga

by writeitininkorinblood



Series: Out in the Barrio [2]
Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Coming Out, Death Threat, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6783844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeitininkorinblood/pseuds/writeitininkorinblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How everyone in the barrio finds out about Sonny and Pete's relationship, and how they all react (-plus a few extra chapters thrown in...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Usnavi

**Author's Note:**

> How everyone in the barrio finds out about Sonny and Pete's relationship, and how they all react. I have stories planned for Usnavi, Vanessa, Nina, Daniela and Benny, but I might add a few more characters, too.
> 
> After a little googling I found a site that said Sonny is meant to be fifteen in the show, so this is set two years after. I decided Pete is three years older.
> 
> (EDIT: the internet lied to me. Apparently Sonny is sixteen in the show. But I don't want to have to go through and change everything so artistic license and all...)

Usnavi had been planning to go downtown to see Vanessa, so any changes to that plan were obviously going to result in him spending the night moping and pouting. When she called him and told him she was having a work-related crisis and couldn’t spare him an hour, let alone the entire evening and night, he made himself three cups of coffee, locked himself in his room with Abuela’s old photo albums, and flicked through memories. Sonny was out somewhere, he wasn’t exactly sure where, but it wasn’t quite late enough for him to start to get worried. Loneliness appeared to be his new evening plan.

When the front door opened, Usnavi barely gave it a second thought. He assumed it was just Sonny getting home and he was about to call out a hello when he heard laughing.

“No, he’s at Vanessa’s. We’ve got the place to ourselves…” Sonny said, trailing off with obvious suggestion.

Usnavi pulled a face. Sonny may have been seventeen, but at no age was Usnavi going to think it was okay for him to have sex. As he was pushing himself up on his elbows to climb off his bed and go and cockblock his cousin, he heard a reply that froze the blood in his veins.

“Are you sure?”                                                   

It wasn’t the words, it was the voice. The decidedly male voice.

Usnavi thought maybe he’d misread the entire situation, and that Sonny was just having a friend over to work on some project from school. But then he heard what was unmistakably a kiss. He didn’t know what to think. It wasn’t that he was angry or disgusted, he’d just not ever considered the fact that his cousin might be gay. The shock was echoing around his bones, but as it started to dissipate he realised he was sitting there listening to a boy kiss his younger cousin, and that was entirely too weird. But what could he do? He couldn’t even consider going out to confront the pair now; it would be too awkward for everyone involved. He could hardly climb out the window, though. There was no option but to sit there and pretend he couldn’t hear what was happening. As he was reaching for a pair of headphones, the voice spoke again.

“Can I stay the night?”

He knew that voice, he realised. It was Graffiti Pete. Usnavi’s jaw clenched and every muscle in his body tensed so hard it was painful. No. That was the line. He didn’t care if Sonny was gay, but he definitely had a lot to say about his choice in men. Pete was three years older, and more than a little rough around the edges. He wasn’t good enough for Sonny, not at all. Usnavi was practically holding himself back from throwing the kid out of his apartment; Sonny better damn not let him stay over. He was barely going to be allowed to stay another minute.

“No, you know you can’t.” Sonny said, thankfully; but he sounded so melancholic about it that Usnavi frowned. “I want to say yes, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to wake up early enough to kick you out.”

There was the sound of another kiss and Usnavi swore to himself that, if he heard clothes coming off, he was going to make his presence known.

“It’s not my … fault you … sleep like the … dead,” Pete replied, laughter in his voice as the words were interrupted by, presumably, Sonny’s lips.

Sonny just snorted.

“I think you can be blamed for keeping me up late,” he muttered, the words a little muffled.

“You never complain at the time.”

Pete’s tone was teasing and the connotations of his words were clear. Usnavi wanted to gag. He didn’t like the idea of anyone’s hands being let lose on his cousin, and especially not the kid who used to spray graffiti over the barrio without consent. Even if he had somewhat redeemed himself with the portrait of Abuela.

Sonny didn’t seem to have the same concerns.

“Who says I’m complaining now.” Sonny’s smirk was so obvious that Usnavi could hear it through it the door. “But Usnavi could come back from Vanessa’s early and it’s too much of a risk.”

Usnavi was almost offended by the extent that Sonny was going to to try and hide this from him. He’d never, as far as he was aware, shown any indication that he’d be mad if Sonny were gay. Although he could be let off for hiding exactly who he was dating, because Usnavi was definitely upset about that.

“I want to be risky,” Pete pleaded. From the quiet, almost sweet kisses, he was making a very convincing case.

Sonny sighed, long and deep. He sounded regretful and sad, and Usnavi hated that. He didn’t want Sonny to sound that upset. But he also didn’t want him to date Graffiti Pete.

“Not now,” Sonny whispered, so quietly that Usnavi could barely hear. “Please. Not yet.”

“Come over to mine, then?” Pete insisted, trying to come up with any way he could kiss his boyfriend into the early hours of the morning.

Hell no. Usnavi was not about to let his little cousin go and stay with the neighbourhood punk. That wasn’t happening.  Although, he realised, Sonny had probably already spent nights at Graffiti Pete’s. He himself had spent a couple of dozen nights at Vanessa’s, informing Sonny that he was to stay at the apartment and call the Rosarios if he had any problems. That was plenty of opportunity for him to spend the night with Pete. Usnavi’s eyes narrowed. He was going to kill that kid.

Sonny just groaned as if it was killing him to say no.

“Usnavi panics if I stay out all night. We’ve learnt that lesson before.”

Sonny’s words sparked a memory. A morning Usnavi had come back from Vanessa’s earlier than expected and found the apartment suspiciously Sonny-less. After a slightly frantic text message, Usnavi had been told that he’d stayed over at a friend’s when he’d been working late on a project. And Usnavi had bought the apparent lie.

“No can do, babe.” Sonny said, with an air of finality that Usnavi was grateful for. “We’re not staying together tonight.”

Pete huffed in resigned acceptance, but Usnavi was happy to hear that he was respecting Sonny’s decision. However apparently that wasn’t the end of Usnavi’s torture. All he wanted was for Pete to leave so he could come out of his room and sit Sonny down to talk about this. Pete had other plans.

“Want to make it up to me?” He suggested. From Sonny’s laugh, he wasn’t saying no.

Usnavi scrambled for his headphones, putting them in and turning the volume up until he couldn’t hear a single one of his cousin’s breathless sighs and content moans. He had no idea what Sonny and Pete did whilst he killed his eardrums, but he had no wish to. It seemed like far too long until the front door slammed, rocking the foundations of the bodega so Usnavi could sense it despite his self-imposed deafness.

He gave Sonny a couple of minutes to be by himself before he made his presence known. Standing with his hand on the handle of his bedroom door, Usnavi had to talk himself into the conversation he’d planned. But as soon as he opened the door, any words he’d wanted to say vanished completely from his head. Sonny was sprawled on the sofa, thankfully fully dressed, smiling inanely up at the ceiling and rubbing his thumb absentmindedly over his lips as if he could still feel Pete’s kisses. It was vulnerable and self-contained - so much so that Sonny hadn’t even heard the door creak. Usnavi watched him for a long moment, taking in how much he’d grown, before clearing his throat.

“Sonny,” he began, unsure what else to say. He wanted to let his cousin talk first.

Sonny stood up fast, his gaze flicking between the front door and Usnavi as if he thought he’d just come home. Then he looked to the open bedroom door and something clicked. His eyes went wide and frightened as he took a few steps back, his mouth falling open in shock. Standing up became a challenge as his knees went weak with fear and his legs trembled. This seemed like a nightmare.

“No,” he whispered. “No. This is not happening. Please tell me you didn’t hear...” He trailed off. If Usnavi hadn’t heard then he wasn’t going to give him the information accidentally.

“You’re sleeping with Graffiti Pete?” Usnavi asked, simply and bluntly.

Sonny flinched. Because technically he _was_ , but he didn’t want Usnavi to think that’s all he and Pete were. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid to not realise that his cousin was in the next room while he let his boyfriend… His cheeks went bright red; he knew he was never quiet and he couldn’t remember what he’d said or how much he’d moaned. That somehow seemed worse than Usnavi finding out he was gay.

“I’m dating him,” Sonny managed, through the crippling embarrassment. “Are you… Is that okay?” He didn’t know what he was asking. Of course it was okay; that wasn’t even a question. The issue was whether or not Usnavi was going to accept it.

Usnavi threw his hands up, completely at a loss.

“Why him?” he asked, unable to comprehend why, out of all the males in the city of New York, Sonny had to chose Graffiti Pete.

“Because I love him.”

The words were out of Sonny’s mouth before he could stop them. He knew they made him sound like a love-struck teenager with no idea what he was doing, but he knew what he felt.

“Sonny-” Usnavi sighed, trying to find a way to explain the long list of reasons why Pete was not a suitable romantic choice.

“I do!” Sonny interrupted desperately.

He was wringing his hands together with anxiety. Usnavi could turn around and kick him out, if he wanted to. And whilst the idea of moving in with Pete was incredibly appealing, he’d rather it not be on the back of being made to leave his home.

“How long with… Pete?” Usnavi had been trying to work it out since he’d heard his voice.

Sonny swallowed. Technically there had been flirting and a few drunken kisses here and there for two years, but the friendship hadn’t grown into a relationship until Sonny had turned seventeen. It was probably best Usnavi only learnt the latter part.

“Four months,” he mumbled. Admitting it made him feel guilty for keeping it a secret for so long. Pete was a significant part of his life and he had wanted to share it; the potential repercussions had just been too worrying. And now he was facing them. He felt like he was going to be sick.

“Months?!” Usnavi spluttered. How had he not noticed?

Looking back, the signs Sonny was in a relationship seemed obvious. He was frequently grinning at his phone; getting home just seconds before curfew, panting like he’d lost track of time and had to run back. But there’d been no indication that it was a boy Sonny had had to tear himself away from, instead of a girl.

“Yeah.” Sonny’s reply was mumbled towards the floor as he scuffed the bottom of his sock against the rug.

Usnavi found himself nodding, but he wasn’t sure why. It was a lot to process.

“And how long have you been…” He didn’t know how to phrase it. ‘Gay’ seemed so foreign, but any alternative was either way too clinical or probably offensive.

“Forever, I guess?” Sonny shrugged. He’d never had a cataclysmic moment of realisation. It had just been a gradual awareness that he wanted to be like Nina, not date her. “I mean, they say it’s in your genes, don’t they?” The little research he’d done (the school library was limited, resources wise, and googling his questions had seemed like basically asking Usnavi to find his internet browsing history) had been inconclusive, but it felt right to him.

“Do they?” Usnavi asked, confused. He genuinely had no idea. It had never been something he’d felt he had to give much thought to, but his narrow-mindedness was coming back to bite him now. Had he known, he could have better understood how Sonny felt and what he was going through.

“Hell, I don’t know.”

Sonny slumped back on the sofa, trying to ignore the fact that his boyfriend had gone down on him there not twenty minutes earlier. He cursed himself for not insisting they went to his bedroom, where there would have at least been two doors between them and Usnavi.

Sitting beside Sonny on the sofa felt awkward and clunky, but standing and hovering was even more uncomfortable so Usnavi tentatively rested against the arm of the couch and carefully tried to voice what was worrying him most.

“He’s too old for you. Three years is too much,” he protested.

This was his little cousin. The boy who had begged to be allowed to go with him went he went out to school, the boy who had pulled faces at him over the dinner table at family meals; the boy who had wept when his parents died. In Usnavi’s eyes he would always be a kid, and the idea of him dating a twenty-year-old wasn’t going to sit right with him until Sonny was twenty himself.

Sonny just scowled at the hypocrisy.

“You’re four years older than Vanessa!” He pointed out, feeling bad about bringing her into the quasi-argument. He liked Vanessa; she was good for his cousin.

“She’s a lot older that you are.” Vanessa had at least been nineteen when he’d asked her out. Sonny was still a minor in almost every sense of the word.

“What, you want me to wait?” Sonny asked. “No.”

“No, I want you to chose someone else. _Anyone_ else,” Usnavi pleased. He was only insisting because he cared. He wanted Sonny happy and safe, and he wasn’t convinced Pete could offer him any of that.

“Fuck off.” Sonny glared, turning his back and crossing his arms like he was throwing a tantrum. He knew it was childish and wasn’t going to solve anything, but he refused to tolerate Usnavi being so openly rude about someone he cared a lot about. Did he think Sonny wouldn’t think carefully about who he wanted to date and choose someone kind and caring?

“Hey!” Usnavi objected, leaping to his feet. He didn’t ask for much from Sonny (although his cousin would have a _very_ different view of that), but he’d always assumed respect was a given.

Sonny climbed to his feet as well, not one to be outdone. He faced Usnavi head on, not shying away and not backing down.

“If you’re going to be mad about me being gay then fine, whatever; but you don’t get a say in who I date.”

The words were firm and so sure of themselves that Usnavi took a step back with a sigh. Sonny had grown up. He wasn’t a kid and he did deserve to make his own decisions. It just wasn’t going to be easy to let go of the child who hated thunderstorms and sat on Abuela Claudia’s lap to listen to stories of home.  
“I’m not angry that you’re gay, Cuz. That’s fine.” Usnavi needed that to be clear. “I mean, it’s a surprise, but I’m not mad.”

“Good.” Sonny nodded slowly. “Trust me about Pete, please.” There was a little desperation behind the words and so much insistence on Sonny’s face that Usnavi felt the reluctance in his bones retire. It wasn’t gone – he still maintained that Sonny could do way better, but if Pete made him happy then Usnavi was going to have to cope with that.

“I… Christ, Sonny. Okay. Fine.”

He held his hands up in surrender, jumping a little in surprise as Sonny barrelled forward and pulled him into a hug. They didn’t usually go for tactile affection, it wasn’t their style; but he hugged Sonny back, feeling the tension of residual trepidation in his muscles.

Usnavi couldn’t say that he wasn’t going to keep a close watch on Sonny and Pete, and that he wasn’t going to completely outlaw sleepovers until Sonny was at least eighteen, but he wasn’t going to challenge them. He trusted Sonny; he’d never had any reason not to. And if he said Pete was a good guy, he’d believe it until he had contrary evidence.


	2. Vanessa

“So Sonny’s gay.”

The words were the first thing Vanessa heard from her boyfriend the second he walked through the door for their rescheduled evening together. She hadn’t even managed to ask him if he wanted a glass of wine before he had thrown himself dramatically on her sofa like he was a psychologist’s patient in need of analysing. He’d promised Sonny he wouldn’t say anything to anyone until he was ready for everyone to know – rumours like this spread like wildfire in the barrio, but this was Vanessa. He told her everything, and he needed her advice.

“What? Really?” She asked, surprised. Sonny had been flirting with her and Nina for as long as she could remember, even when he just a kid and ‘flirting’ filtered down to toothy smiles, with wide gaps from lost baby teeth. She’d never seen him offer the same kind of attention to any boy but, she supposed, she’d seen a lot less of him in the past two years since she’d moved away.

Usnavi was staring blankly at the ceiling, unsure which emotion he was meant to be showing so opting for none of them.

“Yeah…” He mumbled. “Damn, what do I do, Vanessa?” He groaned, burying his face in his hands. He’d barely known how to pseudo-parent Sonny before; this certainly didn’t make things any easier.

Vanessa glared at her boyfriend, crossing the room to hit him not-too-lightly in the head. If he even thought about persecuting or punishing his cousin, she’d be gone before he even realised she was leaving.

Usnavi turned to look at her, rubbing at his forehead with an indignant pout.

“What do you mean what do you do?” Vanessa asked, like the answer was simple. And it was. “Treat him the same as always, tell him you’re proud of him and you love him no matter what, and give him lube as well as condoms when you give him the Talk. It’s not exactly difficult.” She shrugged and put her hands on her hips. A challenge.

The mention of condoms and lube brought a burning red flush of embarrassment to Usnavi’s cheeks. This was most definitely not something he was qualified to talk about. He didn’t know anything about it; he didn’t think he wanted to know. Sonny was free to do whatever he liked (although Usnavi would prefer he didn’t do it with _twenty-year-old vandals_ ), but he didn’t want to know the details.

“I gave him the Talk when he was sixteen,” Usnavi argued. “I just didn’t talk about, y’know, two guys. I never assumed…” He trailed off, feeling a little ashamed that it had never even occurred to him. “I don’t have to give him another one, do I?” His voice was quiet, almost scared, as he sat up and tapped a rough rhythm on his knees in an attempt to distract himself from how uncomfortable he was.

Vanessa sighed, sitting herself down beside him and taking his hands to stop the tapping. Clearly he was having trouble wrapping his head around his new knowledge, but she was certain it wasn’t rooted in homophobia. He was just suddenly completely out of his depth and floundering, trying to find his feet.

“It’s probably best you do,” she said, gently. Yes, Usnavi was a little lost, but Sonny had to be struggling with this as well. And he deserved to know that nothing had changed.

Usnavi dragged his hands down his face, stretching at his skin and breathing out a deep lungful of air as Vanessa patted his shoulder in a weak attempt to be reassuring.

“Shit,” Usnavi breathed. “I don’t know anything about…” He shook his head. She knew what he meant. “He’s already having sex, anyway. It’d be too little, too late.”

The words surprised Vanessa; not their meaning, but how Usnavi seemed to accept them. From the little they’d spoken about Sonny dating before, she’d gotten the idea that he was very against the idea of him sleeping with anyone, like any guardian of a minor would be. Clearly something had changed. Vanessa asked the question with the raise of an eyebrow.

“He’s dating Pete,” Usnavi admitted, surprisingly himself with how easy it was to say without frowning. Sonny had spent the evening before on his phone, texting so quickly that Usnavi wasn’t convinced he could actually read what he was typing. But he seemed happy, and he was obviously messaging Pete. Anyone who could make Sonny smile like that couldn’t be _all_ bad.

“Graffiti Pete? Aww, that’s so sweet.” Vanessa grinned. She’d seen them hanging out as friends for years, and they’d always had a connection between them that she didn’t see between many other people. It wasn’t necessarily the most obvious pairing, but it made sense.

Usnavi just scoffed.

“Sweet? ‘Ness, that punk does not deserve my cousin,” he said, determined. For all he complained about Sonny, he was a good kid.

Laughing, Vanessa pressed a kiss to Usnavi’s cheek. He just scowled: clearly she wasn’t seeing the severity of the situation.

“You’re sweet, too.” She smiled as the words quickly erased his frown. “I know you want to protect him, but he’s not a kid anymore. He can make his own decisions, and you have to trust him.”

“That’s what he said, too,” Usnavi admitted begrudgingly. Maybe they both had a point. Even if he did disprove, there wasn’t much he could do. Sonny never even heard instructions he didn’t want to follow.

“Well we’re both incredibly smart, what can I say,” Vanessa preened smugly, only half joking. “So he told you about all this?” she asked. It wasn’t easy to see Sonny sitting Usnavi down in their apartment and admitting that he liked men, and one man in particular. Serious conversations didn’t come easily to her boyfriend and his cousin.

“Not exactly…”

Usnavi wanted to wince as he recounted the comically nightmarish events of the night before. He had to admit that it was probably hilarious to someone who hadn’t had to live through it, but that didn’t mean he didn’t glare when Vanessa dissolved into laughter.

“Oh my god,” she giggled, the words muffled against the hand she had to cover her mouth with to try and, unsuccessfully, hide her laughter. “That sounds incredibly traumatic for you both.”

Any attempts to keep a straight face were pointless and eventually she gave up, laughing openly. It was infectious; Usnavi couldn’t help the corners of his lips twitching up into a smile. He supposed there were worse ways to find out: at least he didn’t actually walk in on them.

Vanessa relaxed against his side, her giggles dissipating until all that was left was an amused smile teasing at her lips. Usnavi pressed a kiss to her cheek. She was good at putting things in perspective, and at giving advice. Without her, he’d be so lost.

“I feel so helpless,” he admitted, quietly. He just wanted to be there for Sonny, and now there was a whole part of him that he could never understand, never empathise with.

Vanessa turned her face so she could look Usnavi in the eyes, so close to him that she could see the specks of hazel in his dark brown irises and feel his unsteady breaths on her cheeks. As she spoke she barely needed to raise her voice above a whisper.

“There’s three things I can think of you can do: be there for him if he wants or needs to talk – about anything: Pete, being gay, or whatever else; make sure he knows you still love him; and,” she paused, making sure he knew that the last factor was by far the most important, “keep this knowledge miles away from Carla and Dani until he’s ready to share it.”

Usnavi nodded seriously. It was a joke but it was also very, very true. They were the official gossip queens of Washington Heights, and Sonny would hate for the topic of who he slept with to be the talk of the town. Two people knowing was enough for now.

 

*******

The next time Sonny saw Vanessa – a week later when she came up to visit Usnavi, she gave him a smile that would have seemed too big to be real, had it been anyone else.

“Hey, kid,” she said, pulling him in for a one-armed hug.

When she let him go he looked her over carefully. She hadn’t hugged him in years, and her entire demeanour suggested she’d been dipped in sugar. Something was off.

The moment it dawned on him, Sonny groaned and rolled his eyes.

“He told you, didn’t he?” He asked, exasperated. It should have been obvious that Usnavi would tell her, but he’d held on to a grain of hope that this was one thing he wouldn’t share.

“He might have,” Vanessa admitted, sounding a little apologetic.

“Damn it!” Sonny kicked at the floor.

He didn’t want to hide his relationship with Pete because he was ashamed; he just knew everyone would make it a big deal when it was anything but. Was it too much to ask for control over this one thing?

When Vanessa caught his pout and the dejected look in his eyes, she put a hand on his arm to draw his attention.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. All good with me.” She smiled genuinely, no hint of fake overenthusiasm. Sonny was like a younger brother to her, and she just wanted him happy. If he was happy identifying as gay and dating Pete, that was fine by her. If he didn’t want the barrio to know all that for a least a little while longer, that was okay, too.

“Really?”

There was so much hope in his voice than Vanessa couldn’t agree soon enough.

“Really.”

“Thanks,” Sonny whispered, before throwing his arms around her properly and hugging her tightly and burying his face in her spirals of curls. It felt so good to hear people say they were okay with it, or even happy about it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if anyone reacted any other way, but hugs were the only way he could think of that helped him cope with the support. He’d almost expected a negative response, but he was so grateful he hadn’t gotten one yet.

Vanessa stood still with surprise for a moment, before hugging back. She hadn’t realised how much self-confidence and reassurance he’d been lacking until she offered him a little of her own. Part of her wanted to blame Usnavi for not making sure he was okay, but she knew it wasn’t entirely his fault. Sonny wasn’t about to ask for support if he needed it, that much was clear, and Usnavi was notoriously bad at reading people. She made a note to let him know that Sonny was more unsure than he was letting on. But, in the meantime, she was happy to lend him her own self-confidence – she’d never been lacking any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nina is next :)


	3. Nina

Sonny was particularly partial to summer; there was something about the energy and the spirit it brought out of people that he seemed to feed off. Nina was always home, block parties could last long into the night, school was out. And there was the fact that his boyfriend stripped off his top when he painted walls (commissions only, now) in the heat. That didn’t hurt. Not at all.

If he had to describe his ideal day, it would go something along the lines of how this one was unfolding. Sprawled out in the sun with no work to do, shamelessly watching the muscles of Pete’s back as he moved with rapid precision over the wall, letting his vision take shape from spray cans. The canvas in question was just tucked away enough that he knew they weren’t going to be seen, so Sonny didn’t have to worry about getting caught staring. Which was convenient, since he knew there was no way he could tear his gaze away, audience or not. Pete let go when he painted. He was wild and frantic and intense, and Sonny couldn’t even try to deny that it turned him on a little. Especially when sweat ran down Pete’s back and his skin glistened in the sun. He was convinced it was going to be the death of him.

When Pete slumped unceremoniously beside him, giving himself a break from the mural he was working on, Sonny turned to his boyfriend with a lazy grin on his lips.

“You know that time I used to not know I was gay?” He asked, his voice heavy with drowsy content.

“Yeah…?” Pete was hesitant; he had no idea what Sonny was about to say.

Sonny reached out a hand to brush his fingers down Pete’s cheek. Even the small touch was sticky and uncomfortable in the close heat, but it seemed so worth it.

“I was an idiot,” he breathed. "Kiss me.”

Usually he wouldn’t bother to ask; they had enough previous experience that Sonny could definitely assume consent; but he’d understand if Pete didn’t want to touch; the weather was oppressive even without sharing another person’s body heat.

Pete didn’t care. He didn’t reach out and pull Sonny close the way he usually did, but he cupped his boyfriend’s cheek and leaned forward to kiss him softly.  That was where he’d planned to keep things, but Sonny sucked at his bottom lip and pulled away with a small nip, and Pete couldn’t not reach out for him again. He pulled him into his lap by the belt loops of his jeans, letting his hands roam down his back and over his hips.

The wall and the mural were forgotten for a while. The summer heat meant it was only possible to keep one idea in your head at any one time, and Pete was firmly focused on Sonny.

***

Nina spent her summers making the most of home. Long semesters in California were more tolerable once every hour wasn’t spent working two jobs and she could actually find some time to study, but nothing beat the barrio. She walked the streets she’d known all her life as often as she could, just soaking up the sun and the atmosphere. It was the same sun as Stanford, she knew that, but it felt so different when she was surrounded by the people she loved. Still, that didn’t mean it wasn’t scorching. She needed a soda, and she knew just where to get it.

Sonny had been left in charge of the bodega for the afternoon, much to his obvious disgruntlement, whilst Usnavi presumably went downtown to visit Vanessa. Nina greeted him with a smile and was just about to ask for a cold drink from the fridge when she frowned and cocked her head.

“What…?” Sonny asked, squirming under her gaze and laughing uncomfortably, turning to look over his shoulder to try and find what had caught her attention.

When Nina reached out to touch his cheek, he flinched away, confused. But she’d just managed to make contact with his skin, and when she pulled her finger away it was covered in bright purple paint. Sonny’s eyes went wide and he scrubbed at his cheek roughly with the back of his hand, trying to get rid of the streaks. It was the colour Pete had been using, and evidently he’d marked more than just the wall. Sonny couldn’t believe he hadn’t realised; he tried to run through everyone who had seen him since he’d begrudgingly left Pete finishing off the mural and trekked up to the bodega for the shift he promised he’d work. No one else had mentioned the colour on his cheeks, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t seen it and hadn’t drawn their own conclusions.

It didn’t take Nina long to work out how the paint had found itself onto Sonny’s cheeks. From the way he was blushing and staring at intently at his feet, she had it exactly right.

“Something you want to tell me, kid?” She asked, gently.  She had no concrete proof, after all; but she’d bet her tuition money that she had the right idea.

Sonny stalled for a long moment, searching for any excuse that didn’t scream ‘my boyfriend was taking a break from painting a wall to kiss me senseless.’ As the seconds dragged by, he knew he was only looking more and more guilty.

“I was doing some painting?” he tried. The lie was obvious and pathetic even to his own ears, and he wanted to disappear into the floor.

Nina just raised an eyebrow, shaking her head in amusement.  
“And you got that paint in perfectly fingerprint shapes on your face? Come on, give me some credit. Stanford Uni student, here,” she teased. “We both know there’s only one person whose hands are covered in paint 24/7…” She trailed off. There was no one she could mean but Pete and Sonny hoped the flush on his cheeks wasn’t visible.

“I…” He thought about denying it, but there was no point. The cat was out the bag. “Yeah,” he sighed.

“Hmmm, so why is that paint all over you?” Nina asked, as if she didn’t already know. She stroked at her chin as if she was pondering a great question, a teasing glint in her eye. She loved Sonny, but she couldn’t pass up this opportunity.

“Nina, I…” Sonny sighed, mentally crossing her off the list of people he had to tell. It didn’t seem to be getting any easier.

Nina reached out and patted him on the shoulder, offering him a sympathetic smile.

“It’s okay. I’m just a little surprised,” she said, honestly. She’d seen Sonny flirting with half the girls in the barrio, but never any of the boys. Evidently it was a fairly recent development. “I didn’t know you were gay?”

“Shh,” Sonny insisted, looking quickly around the empty store.  “Please. I don’t want this to get out. Not yet.”

He wasn’t ashamed, but the thought of everyone finding out all at one was far too daunting. Telling the most important people one at a time was far easier; he could micromanage reactions.

“I’m not going to say anything, I promise,” Nina said, earnestly.

 She smiled, proud of him.  Coming home only over breaks she only got to see him after gaps of several months and each time she did she was struck by how much older he seemed. He was going to do good things; she was sure of it. Those things might not necessarily be the result of uni degrees and qualifications, but Sonny knew people. He could sympathise better than anyone she knew, something she was certain he’d learnt from Usnavi, and he had grand ideas about the barrio and its people. He was going to make a difference.

“Does Usnavi know?” Nina asked, uncertain if she was treading on rocky ground. She didn’t want to have to keep secrets from her best friend, especially if they were about his cousin.

Sonny pulled a face, suggesting there was a story that Nina was going to have to tease out of Usnavi if Sonny wasn’t going to share it.

“Yes,” Sonny shrugged. “He found out a few weeks ago. I’ve never felt so awkward in my life.” He managed a self-deprecating smile.

“He’s okay with it, right?” Nina asked, sceptically. “He better be.” He’d be hearing strong words from her if he wasn’t.  
“Yeah.” The was a genuine smile on Sonny’s lips, albeit a small one. He knew he was lucky that Usnavi was cool with it, and he appreciated it. “Surprised, but decent about it. Less happy about Pete, but we’re working on it.”

And they were. Usnavi had stopped frowning every time Pete’s name was mentioned, and Sonny was gradually getting more relaxed about telling Usnavi where he was really going when he went out to see his boyfriend, instead of making up something vague and leaving sharpish before he could be questioned. He still wasn’t about to have them in the same room for a least a little while longer, but it didn’t seem like Usnavi was going to try and ban him from seeing Pete.

Nina nodded thoughtfully. She didn’t see any point in being judgemental about who Sonny chose to date, even if Pete was older. If he made her surrogate little brother happy, that was good enough for her.

***

It was only when Nina walked back out onto the street with a smile on her face that she realised she hadn’t paid for the soda in her hand. Sonny might be good at many things, but helping Usnavi make a profit was not one of them.


	4. Bonus - Taking Vanessa's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usnavi tries to take Vanessa's advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't technically anyone finding out about their relationship, so I'm counting it as a bonus chapter, but it chronologically comes after Nina's chapter.  
> I might write a few more of these along the way, if I find anything I want to expand on.
> 
> As far I know there's no canonical information about the whereabouts/mortality of Sonny's parents, but if I've missed something then please let me know!

Usnavi had planned to largely ignore Vanessa’s advice about giving Sonny the Talk again. He figured that one cripplingly awkward conversation about sex was enough to last the both of them a lifetime, and he had no desire to stumble through another one – particularly when he knew so little about what he’d be trying to explain. Sonny had to know everything already, right? He was seventeen; he kept saying he wasn’t a kid anymore and for once Usnavi was more than happy to agree.

Then Usnavi had walked out back one day to check why sorting the trash was taking Sonny so long. Finding his younger cousin pushed against a wall, being kissed roughly and messily by his older-by-three-years boyfriend was definitely a wakeup call.

Sonny had apparently completely forgotten about the bodega, kissing back and winding his hands into Pete’s hair as a smile teased at the corners of his mouth. Usnavi gritted his teeth and restrained himself from pulling Pete away by his collar, instead opting for a loud, pointed cough that had him leaping several feet back and Sonny’s face turning scarlet. They both looked guiltily at the floor and Sonny mumbled something about ‘sorry’ and ‘distracted’ as he traced vague circles with the toe of his trainers. Pete stayed silent, clearly feeling out of place and awkward. He couldn’t seem to decide whether to run as far from Usnavi as he could get or to stay and support his boyfriend, shuffling his weight from foot to foot.

“Not during work hours, kid,” Usnavi said gruffly to Sonny, stressing the final word and looking pointedly at Pete to try and convey the ‘he’s too young for you’ message. But Pete appeared to find far more interest in his own shoes than in Usnavi’s glare.

Usnavi wanted to say more. The desire to tell Pete he had to stay away from the store, stay away from Sonny altogether, was so strong; but Pete made Sonny happy. The last thing Usnavi wanted was to make his cousin think he was upset with his sexuality, and Pete was so intrinsically tied to that that any attempts to convince him that Pete was unhealthy seemed like an attempt to convince him being gay was unhealthy.

Sonny looked up with wide, sad eyes, clearly trying to bargain himself a few more minutes with Pete. He felt bad about essentially sneaking off to make out with his boyfriend instead of helping around the store, but Pete had surprised him outside – with the whole ‘guess who’ eye covering routine and everything and, with Usnavi already aware of their relationship, Sonny had relished in the opportunity to kiss Pete in the sheltered alley. He’d told himself it was only going to be for a moment or two but he’d ended up backed against the wall, the sharp edges to the bricks digging into his back a harsh contrast to the body pressed against his.

“Thirty seconds, and I want you back inside,” Usnavi sighed, giving in just a little. He turned and went back into the store without a glance behind him. No matter who his cousin was kissing, male or female, he absolutely did not want to see it.

When Sonny came back inside ( _forty_ seconds later) wearing Pete’s hat with a dopey smile on his face, Usnavi just raised an eyebrow but said nothing. The kiss out back hadn’t been particularly scandalous; all hands had remained above waists and they’d both been fully clothed, but it was a glaring reminder that Sonny was gay and had a boyfriend and was almost definitely having sex with that boyfriend, and Usnavi knew just ignoring that wasn’t the most responsible thing to do. Maybe Vanessa was right.

***

Learning about gay sex was the most awkward thing Usnavi had ever done. He sat in front of his laptop for what seemed like hours, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. Anything he could think of to search was almost definitely going to bring up gay porn sites instead of anything that might actually be helpful. Eventually, he managed to convince his fingers to type out some keywords, running a search and feeling his cheeks heating up at the hits. It took a little trial and error before he found a website made specifically for parents wanting to talk to their gay children about sex. The reminder that he wasn’t Sonny’s father because Sonny didn’t even _have_ a father stung a little, but the content still worked.

He wondered what his aunt and uncle would think about their son being gay. They’d been traditional, more so that his own parents, so he could only assume that they’d be less than happy. Or maybe he was underestimating them and they’d love their son more than their customs. He’d never know. But he was going to be the best surrogate father to Sonny he could be, even if that meant reading pages of information he never thought he’d have to know anything about, to make sure Sonny was being safe and wasn’t going to get hurt.

***

“Sonny, can we talk?” Usnavi asked, wincing as he heard the awkward hesitation in his own voice.

They were in the store, but he’d waited until a quiet time when they weren’t likely to get any customers. It felt like neutral ground, somewhere Sonny was as comfortable as he was, and where they both had an easy excuse to step away from the conversation if they needed one.

“Sure thing, boss,” Sonny joked, putting down the bags of sugar he was stacking up. He was happy for any excuse to abandon work for a little while, jumping up on the edge of the counter and looking expectantly down at Usnavi, who was trying to fix the fridge for the third time that week.

Usnavi just shook his head, sighing and getting to his feet.

“It’s not a bodega thing,” he explained, cautiously.

Confusion fell over Sonny’s face as he tried to sift through his thoughts to find anything he’d done wrong that would require a dedicated discussion. He figured it couldn’t be the Pete thing; they’d mostly solved that problem by mutually, albeit wordlessly, agreeing not to talk about it. He didn’t bring it up unnecessarily, Usnavi didn’t berate him for it. It was awkward and clumsy, but it worked well enough.

“Okay? Sure thing, Cuz?”

The questions in Sonny’s voice were evident, as was the apprehension.

Usnavi had memorised an entire speech so he could say everything he figured would be important but, as he opened his mouth, he found that every word had packed up and gone. Left with nothing but the remnants of his plan falling through his hands, he groaned.

“Just…” he began, trailing off and opting instead for the approach that might have been the most uncomfortable but was definitely the most direct. “Are you being safe? With Graf- with Pete.”

Sonny blinked in disbelief, unable to comprehend why Usnavi was choosing to bring this conversation up in public. As soon as he internalised the fact that anyone could walk through the doors of the bodega and overhear, he quickly whipped his head around, scanning the store for anyone who might be listening. All it took was for one person to find out and the news would be spread across the barrio within the hour. He wasn’t ready to be the talk of the neighbourhood like that. Gossiping was commonplace amongst his friends and neighbours, but he’d never been the subject of everyone’s whispers and the idea made his skin crawl.

“No,” he replied bluntly. When the word got him a horrified stare from Usnavi, he rolled his eyes and amended his statement. “I mean, yes, obviously. But no, we’re _not_ having this conversation.”

He slid off the counter, for once willing to do work if it meant he didn’t have to get lectured about sex by his older cousin in the middle of their bodega.

Usnavi had somehow found the courage to start this conversation, and he wasn’t ready to abandon it quite yet.

“Vanessa said I should-” he tried, frowning when Sonny whirled round to interrupt him.

“Why have you been discussing my sex life with Vanessa?!” Sonny asked, outraged. He didn’t even bother to refute the fact that he had a sex life; clearly Usnavi had already figured that out. “Can that never happen again, thanks.”

He’d mostly forgiven his cousin for outing him to Vanessa, a part of him had expected it to happen. And considering Nina knew too, it only seemed fair that someone tell her. But there was a chasm between outing him and discussing whether or not he was sleeping with his boyfriend, in Sonny’s opinion, and it was none of their business.

Usnavi shrugged, having the decency to look at least a little guilty. But Sonny was technically under his charge and that meant he was responsible to make sure he looked after himself.

“We just don’t want you think that because neither of you can get pregnant you don’t-”

“I know! Believe me, anything you could tell me, I already know.”

Sonny felt his cheeks heat up as he said the words, and he prayed that the blush didn’t show. He was trying to appear mature and educated, and blushing at the mention of sex was not the way to do that. But he truly didn’t need to be sat down and told the less heteronormative facts of life. Some of it had been intuitive common sense, some had been very much ‘learn as you go’, and some Pete had told him; but he was certain he knew more than Usnavi ever would.

Taking in Sonny’s embarrassment and clear desire to be anywhere else, Usnavi stood down. He didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable talking about his sexuality than he already appeared to be, so for once it seemed best to listen.

“If you ever have any questions…?” He asked, wanting to give Sonny reassurance that he didn’t need to keep everything to himself anymore.

Sonny just laughed, part glad that the dire attempt at the Talk was over, part amused by the offer.

“Then I definitely won’t ask you.” He grinned, patting his cousin on the shoulder. “No offense, Usnavi, but this is not something you can help me with. And I don’t _need_ help with it.”

He’d be happy to talk to Usnavi about Pete (although perhaps when the name alone didn’t make his cousin frown), but he wanted to keep that discussion firmly to how Pete had walked downtown to buy him peanut M&Ms when the bodega had run out, because they were Sonny’s favourite and Pete loved to see him happy, even if his nut allergy meant he couldn’t kiss Sonny for hours afterwards; or how Pete had broken his cardinal rule of only painting on walls or grates just for Sonny, to make the canvas of the sun setting behind the GWB that he’d hidden in fear Usnavi would see it and ask, but now hung proudly on his bedroom wall. If Usnavi ever wanted to talk about Pete that then was fine; Sonny had thousands of stories that would show him just how great a person Pete was; but he was most definitely drawing a line when it came to talking about sex.

Clearly Usnavi hadn’t quite gotten the message.

“Has Pete told-”

Raising an eyebrow wryly, Sonny interrupted before Usnavi could get any further with that sentence.

“Do you really want to discuss how much my boyfriend has taught me about gay sex?” He asked, smirking when Usnavi shook his head quickly. “Didn’t think so.”

As Usnavi opened his mouth, about to say something else the bell above the door chimed merrily, signifying a customer had finally come into the store. Sonny offered a smile before returning to his shelf stacking, allowing Usnavi to greet the customer – Carla: thank god they’d stopped talking, and make her a coffee.

There was something different about the atmosphere of the bodega; the unfinished conversation hung thick and heavy in the air and Sonny was almost worried Carla would be able to sense it. Had it been Daniela he was certain she’d smell it and twist the words out of him until he admitted to exactly what he and Usnavi had been talking about, but thankfully Carla paid for her coffee with a smile and seemed in a hurry, for once not staying to gossip.

When the bell ran again, announcing the store was once again empty, Usnavi walked over to where Sonny was kneeling down to organise still and sparkling water into semi-tidy lines after the display had been massacred by children. He sat down on the floor beside him, saying nothing for a long moment. The silence felt like it was closing in, and Sonny was almost counting down the seconds until he felt like he had to talk just to keep from suffocating, but eventually Usnavi sighed.

“I’m trying, Sonny. I’m just…” He mumbled, unsure how to finish the sentence.

He loved his cousin unconditionally, but he had no idea what he was doing. It felt wrong to just go on like nothing had changed, but at the same time maybe that was for the best. He was most likely overthinking everything, but he wanted to do the right thing and it was infuriating to not know what was was.

Sonny smiled sadly, abandoning the water and collapsing down beside Usnavi on the floor. He brought his knees up to his chin, hugging them to his chest and staring at the floor in front of his feet as he spoke.

“I know you are,” he said, so quietly it was almost a whisper. “You’re doing great, papi. You didn’t sign up for this, but you’re doing great.”

He couldn’t help but feel bad. It wasn’t his decision to find men attractive instead of women, but he hated that it was difficult for Usnavi. Nina and Vanessa were both so accommodating about it, assimilating it into their knowledge of ‘Sonny’ without a second thought, and the tiniest part of him hated that it wasn’t so easy for his cousin. But it was obvious he was trying, and Sonny couldn’t help but appreciate the attempt.

They stayed sitting beside each other as the silence returned, but it wasn’t so stifling this time. They both knew they should move; if a customer came in they hardly looked professional. But it was the first time since Usnavi had found out about Pete that everything seemed comfortable again, and Sonny didn’t want to be the one to shatter that.

Several minutes passed before Usnavi spoke up again. A thought had suddenly occurred to him and he couldn’t help but voice it.

“When I gave you the Talk the first time, were you… Did you know you were gay?”

The words hung in the air for a moment before Sonny burst out laughing. The flashback to the uncomfortable, irrelevant sex ed conversation he’d gotten almost a year and a half again brought up so many memories of wanting to scream out that he was never going sleep with a woman. He’d only just begun to realise that his feelings for Nina were more platonic than he’d thought, and that his feelings for Pete were far less innocent, and the knowledge had been bubbling up inside him. He’d been desperate to tell someone, _anyone_ , and it had almost been Usnavi. But, and he’d never admit it because he didn’t want to make his cousin feel bad, after sitting through the entire Talk without hearing one mention of the fact that sometimes guys dated other guys, he’d been too afraid.

“You mean did I sit there going ‘I really don’t need to be told not to get a girl pregnant, please stop talking’?” He asked, laugher still in his eyes even as it faded from his lips. “Yes.”

“Why didn’t you say something.” Usnavi looked sad, like he realised he’d been useless when he’d only been trying to help. Something that now seemed so familiar.

Sonny shrugged, suddenly serious again.

“I wasn’t ready,” he mumbled, blushing a little to admit it. He hadn’t really been ready when Usnavi had overheard him and Pete either, but evidently being forced out of the closet had been good for him.

No one came in for the rest of Sonny’s shift. Neither of them saw any reason to get up; the floor was surprisingly comfortable and there was a cooling through-draught from the gap under the front door and the open window in the back. They didn’t speak; they didn’t need to.

When the bell rang again, neither of them jumped to their feet. They turned lazily to the door, expecting to see a neighbour who’d appraise them with confusion, but hardly judge them. When Pete walked into the store, Sonny was standing before Usnavi could even blink.

“Umm…. Are you good to go?” Pete asked, unsure why his boyfriend had been sitting on the floor.

They’d both taken the ‘not during work hours’ threat to heart, and Pete didn’t come round to the bodega until Sonny’s shifts were over. They’d go for a walk through the neighbourhood, soaking up the evening heat and usually ending up in Pete’s apartment to kiss out of the view of prying eyes. Nine times out of ten Sonny would completely lose track of time and end up pressing frantic goodbye kisses to Pete’s lips as he pulled on his shirt, and running through the barrio to make it home for his curfew. Usnavi would raise an eyebrow and check the clock as Sonny barrelled through the door, but he’d always have seconds to spare. He didn’t want to give Usnavi any reason to ban him from seeing Pete.

Sonny took a step towards Pete as Usnavi slowly climbed to his feet, brushing off his jeans and walking over to straighten the receipts on the counter.

“Can I?” Sonny asked, surprising even himself. He never asked. Usnavi would usually hear a yelled ‘bye’ when he was sorting stock in the back, and would find an empty store when he headed back through to the front.

Usnavi looked over, almost in disbelief.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” he said, nodding a little and smiling.  “Just be back by curfew.”

Sonny grinned, closing the distance between him and Pete and grabbing his hand, squeezing it as a way to say hello. He wanted a kiss, but the large windows pretty much guaranteed someone else would see, and Usnavi wasn’t as good at pretending to be busy as he thought he was. But it was okay. Sonny could wait.


	5. Daniela

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniela's chapter!

Sonny grinned as Pete nudged his chin up with his thumb and sucked kisses down his neck, scraping his teeth gently over expanses of skin to make him shiver. They had an agreement not to leave hickies where they couldn’t be easily hidden (the original rule had said none at all but, after an evening which ended with bruises on the inside of Pete’s thighs, it had been quickly revised), but Pete had enough practise to know exactly how much pressure would make Sonny’s knees tremble without marking his skin.

“I’m supposed to be working,” Pete mumbled, barely moving his lips from Sonny’s throat. “You are the worst influence.”

He had a commission to paint a large mural for a nearby school, but he didn’t want to leave Sonny. He never wanted to leave Sonny. It was probably a good thing that they rarely got to spend the night together, because getting up the next morning was its own unique brand of torture. Even in summer, when Sonny’s body heat was way too much in addition to his own, it was horrible to have to make his boyfriend relax his grip so he could get out of bed. And right now he had Sonny lying shirtless beneath him as the AC roared in an attempt to counteract the stifling summer heat; the last thing on Pete’s mind was a mural for school children.

Sonny just snorted, tugging slightly with the hand he had buried in Pete’s hair.

“Yeah,” he laughed, his sarcasm lightened by breathless affection. “Because _I’m_ the bad influence in this relationship.”

He didn’t actually believe it, but they both heard it enough that it made for good teasing ammunition.

Pete trailed kisses upwards, stopping when he reached Sonny’s ear so he could whisper against the skin just under it and still be heard, smirking when he efforts earned him a shiver.

“Distraction, then,” Pete amended. “You’re a major fucking distraction.”

He didn’t sound too upset about it, kissing Sonny’s lips before he could protest. It was ingrained in his muscle memory: how to touch him and hold him and kiss him, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Loving Sonny was part of his DNA, an unconscious action that was hardwired into his hands and lips and heart. Nothing had ever felt so natural, not even a can of spray paint in his hand.

Sonny was happy to be a distraction, but only up to a point. He had so much faith in Pete and his artistic abilities, but the world wasn’t going to join him in that unless he made his boyfriend get out of bed and go and do some work. Sighing, he gently pushed Pete away.

“Come on, you said you’d start the wall at eleven fifteen, and it’s now,” he pulled his phone, tossed haphazardly onto the mattress earlier, closer to him and checked the time, “eleven twelve and you have to get the train downtown. Plus, Usnavi wants me to help at the bodega today.”

He worked at the store far more in the summer, but since school was off he didn’t get to see Pete any less. The times they could spend together were just rearranged, and visiting Pete’s apartment early in the morning was one of Sonny’s favourite changes. He got to climb into bed beside his boyfriend and doze for a while; it was like the façade of having spent the night together – something Usnavi still completely forbade.

Pete groaned, kissing Sonny one last time before sitting up and running his hand over his face.

“Usnavi always wants you to help at the bodega,” he whined, only half joking.

He wanted a full day. 24 hours when he could take Sonny on a proper date – somewhere no one would recognise them and start rumours, and when he could fall asleep beside him at the end of it without worrying Sonny’s absence would be noticed back at Abuela’s old apartment. The only thing that was stopping him was being far too afraid to ask Usnavi for permission. He was trying to be good, trying to be respectable and decent; Usnavi thinking he was even a little worthy of dating Sonny seemed so important and he didn’t want to make that situation any worse than it already was.

Propping himself up on his elbows, Sonny shrugged.

“Well it keeps me away from you, so I reckon that’s at least 30% of his reasoning. And he pays me, so it could be worse.”

Sonny was far happier to work alongside Usnavi at the bodega than he ever let on. The alternative was Usnavi leaving for the Dominican Republic and his heart still ached a little when he thought about how close to that they’d come. Everyone in the barrio might be a family, but Usnavi was the only genetic family he had left. He couldn’t lose him too.

“Rain check on the groping, then?” Pete asked, trailing a hand down Sonny’s side with a mischievous glint in his eye. Sonny supressed a giggle, wriggling as the touch tickled and teased him in equal measures.

“Shut up!” He laughed, shoving Pete playfully and climbing to his feet. They both knew they were more than capable of keeping each other in bed for hours, and Pete really did have work to do. Sonny wasn’t going to be the reason he got fired from a job that he’d love and that he needed the money from.

It was only ten minutes later that they were walking out of the front door of Pete’s apartment block. Sonny shot a quick look around the street and, seeing no one he knew, he grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and squeezed it quickly to say goodbye.

“Good luck today. Text me pictures,” he whispered, wishing he could leave with a kiss. Instead, he gave Pete a long, meaningful look before turning and running up the road in the direction of the bodega.

Pete really did have to leave. He was already late and it was going to set a terrible first impression, but he still couldn’t help but stand and watch Sonny go with a dopey grin on his face.

What neither of them had seen was Daniela walking down the opposite pavement. She’d stopped when she’d seen the two of them come out of the apartment block, meaning to cross over and convey a message to Sonny that Usnavi was looking for him, but then she’d seen their interaction. As Pete finally headed off towards the subway station, she internalised what was happening. Her mouth fell open in surprise and a smug smile crept onto her lips. This was the best gossip she’d heard it ages, and she couldn’t wait to share it.

***

Even though the salon had moved to the Bronx, neither Daniela nor Carla had relocated their entire lives there. Their homes and friends were still in the barrio and that’s where they spent most of their time. With Nina home for the summer and Vanessa visiting on at least a weekly basis to see Usnavi, their gossip sessions were back in full force, just relocated to Daniela’s apartment instead of the salon.

It was two days after Daniela had seen Pete and Sonny act a little friendlier than she’d expect that the next meet-up was planned, and every moment she had to wait was agonising. She kept an eye on both of them and each lingering look or affectionate smile that passed between them solidified her belief that there was something going on. Pete wasn’t a surprise; everyone in the barrio was aware than he was interested in both girls and guys. But Sonny? That was definitely news.

As soon as Nina, Carla and Vanessa were lolling on her furniture, drinking cheap red wine and ready to catch up, Daniela took her chance.

“So, has anyone heard any gossip? I need my fix. Maybe about Sonny, what’s he been up to?” She didn’t want to just come out with her suspicions; it seemed sensible to test the waters.  When no one showed any reaction that suggested they’d also noticed something, she tried again. “What about Graffiti Pete?”

Vanessa sat up fast, fear in her eyes. She knew Sonny still wasn’t ready to publically talk about his relationship with Pete, and Carla and Dani knowing about it was almost definitely going to force him into a position he wasn’t ready to deal with. If Dani already knew, that was a problem.

“Girls,” she said, jumping to her feet. “I have to borrow Daniela for a moment.”

She didn’t give anyone time to protest as she grabbed Daniela’s arm and pulled her through the apartment and out into the hall.

“What do you know?” Daniela asked, excitement clear in her eyes.

“What do _you_ know?” Vanessa demanded in return. She wasn’t going to give up any knowledge that Dani didn’t already have. Sonny’s business was Sonny’s business, and she didn’t want to gossip about the boy who was practically her little brother when she knew it would make life harder for him.

“I saw them,” Daniela shrugged, pretending to be nonchalant but smirking a little. “Coming out of Pete’s apartment and looking way too suspicious to be doing anything other than sneaking around with each other.”

She wondered if Usnavi knew his younger cousin was fooling around, and maybe spending the night, with the kid he used to hate. Pete was far more liked in the neighbourhood now he wasn’t tagging up everyone’s walls without permission, but she still couldn’t imagine Usnavi thinking he was a good potential significant other for Sonny.

Vanessa sighed. Clearly there was no pretending that nothing was happening.

“Please don’t spread this around,” she begged. “They don’t want people to know, can you respect that?”

Frowning, Daniela raised an eyebrow. “You want me to not gossip about them hooking up? Vanessa, that’s like asking me to stop _living_ ,” she emphasised dramatically, only half joking.

It was almost impossible to stop Daniela from talking about something, but Vanessa was desperate. She shook her head rapidly, searching for any way to get Dani to see how important a secret Sonny was keeping.

“They’re not hooking up; they’re dating. And Sonny is still a little shaky about things.” The last sentence was said with as much implication of ‘so keep quiet’ as Vanessa could manage.

Daniela looked Vanessa up and down suspiciously, cocking her head once she realised that she seemed to know an awful lot about the subject, and she hadn’t been sharing.

“How long have you known about this?” She demanded, almost offended. They tended to share everything; her, Vanessa, Nina and Carla; and this was pretty big news. Sonny dating Pete was one thing, but Sonny dating another guy was absolutely gossip-worthy information on its own.

“A few weeks?” Vanessa replied, keeping her answer purposely vague.

“And you didn’t tell me?!”

Vanessa groaned. She should have pretended she had no idea what Dani was talking about; it would have made everything so much easier.

“Usnavi wasn’t meant to tell _me_!” She explained. “Please, Dani, don’t share this. For Sonny’s sake.”

Daniela winced. They all loved Sonny, and the idea of making life hard for him wasn’t something that Dani wanted at all. Her fondness for the younger man she’d seen grow up far outweighed her desire to gossip.

“You ask a lot of me… But, fine.”

***

When Vanessa collapsed back into her seat on the sofa in the apartment, she looked around the room wearily, hoping Nina and Carla weren’t too suspicious of what they’d been talking about. She caught Nina’s eye and offered a small smile. Nine just pointed to herself and nodded minutely. _I know_. Vanessa’s eyebrows shot up. Nina knew? They could have been discussing this together for god knows how long and they’d let that opportunity completely pass them by? She pointed to Carla, an inquisitive look on her face, and Nina just shrugged, shaking her head. Exhaling in relief, Vanessa relaxed again. This was going to be okay. She just probably shouldn’t tell Sonny that Daniela knew, because that was only going to make him even more nervous than he already was about the barrio finding out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My plan so far is to write Benny's chapter next, then Carla's. And I have a couple more bonus chapters planned but they don't slot in until later.  
> Let me know if you have any constructive criticism/suggestions for future chapters!


	6. Benny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny comes out to Benny.

Sonny spent at least a week trying to work out whether or not Nina had told Benny about him and Pete. He didn’t ask her, not wanting to see the hurt look he knew would flash across her face if he practically accused her of breaking her promise, but after Usnavi had told Vanessa he didn’t really know what to expect. Every time he saw Benny he carefully watched for any reaction to him saying Pete’s name – any knowing smirk or cautious glance – but he caught nothing. It seemed like Nina had kept her word, and whilst Sonny loved her for it, it just meant there was another person he had to tell.

***

The bodega was empty. Usnavi was downtown visiting Vanessa and had left Sonny in charge of the store for the night, with the strict instructions that he was not allowed to spend the night with Pete. Sonny had rolled his eyes and complained a little, but he didn’t plan on breaking the rule: he and Usnavi had got to an uneasy point of agreement on the Pete issue and he didn’t want to topple that.

When Benny sauntered through the door with a cheerful greeting and jumped up to sit on the counter, a habit Sonny had acquired from him as a child, Sonny was glad for the interruption to monotony. And, as he looked around the silent shop, he realised he’d been given an opportunity that it would be stupid to pass up.

“Benny, can I talk to you?” he asked, before Benny could start a conversation.

Not even bothering to look over, Benny kicked his feet against the side of the counter as he nodded, clearly distracted by scanning the rows of snacks for a candy bar that he probably wouldn’t end up paying for.

“Sure? What’s up?”

Sonny sighed deeply. He hadn’t really had to tell anyone directly yet; everyone had already had their suspicions and he’d just had to confirm them. This was different. There was probably a sensible way to introduce the topic and then seamlessly transition into coming out, but Sonny couldn’t be bothered to figure it out. He found himself _wanting_ to tell people. The more people who knew the closer he was to being able to being able to hold Pete’s hand in public or being held in his arms when there were fireworks downtown and someone bribed the superintendent so everyone could go up to the roof and watch them together. The thought sent a tremble down Sonny’s spine. It was such a simple image, but he couldn’t remember wanting anything more.  
“I’m gay,” he said, simply. When Benny looked over with a confused frown he swallowed thickly, half expecting his first truly negative reaction. Then Benny started laughing and Sonny found himself shaking his head and glaring, his jaw clenched. “It’s not a joke.”

Benny slid off the counter to his feet, confusion returning to his features. Sonny could almost see him sorting through everything in his head – clearly Nina had kept her promise of silence. After he’d opened his mouth to speak a few times to no avail, he finally settled on a reaction.

“You’ve had a crush on Nina since you were eleven.”

The words were quiet and carefully enunciated. Benny didn’t want his bewilderment to be misconstrued as disapproval, but he didn’t understand. He couldn’t equate the boy who’d followed Nina around like a puppy to the man coming out to him. Sonny flirted with girls – Nina, Vanessa, bodega customers; Sonny had said he loved Nina aged fifteen, even if it was just childish infatuation. Benny had never seen him flirt with men or show any interest in actors or male celebrities. It didn’t seem to make sense.

Sonny blushed at the mention of his crush on Nina. Looking back, he was well aware that he’d been swept up in his affection for her, misunderstanding it as romantic rather than platonic, and being completely the opposite of subtle about the whole thing. It wasn’t something he wanted to be reminded of.

“I want to be Nina, not date her,” he explained, relaying what he’d figured out during his ‘I find this boy attractive and want to kiss him but that’s completely not okay’ crisis. Not his favourite time.

“You want to be a girl?” Benny asked, mostly joking.

Sonny pulled a face and shook his head. He absolutely did not want to be a girl. Ever. Even if it made it easier for him to hold Pete’s hand when they walked down the street. Girls always seemed to be at the centre of far too much drama.

“No, I want to be smart,” he explained. “I want to be someone the barrio is proud of. I want to make a difference. She registered a bunch of people here to vote; I wanna do stuff like that.” He was voice was quiet, almost shy, as he finished talking. It was probably a ridiculous dream – he wasn’t clever like Nina or enterprising like Benny. He was just him. Sonny. And maybe that meant he couldn’t achieve much for the barrio, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

“So you never had a crush on her?” Benny asked, still trying to wrap his head around what he’d been told.

Sonny just sighed. It was difficult to explain that he’d acted like he had a crush on Nina because everyone kept telling him that he had to like girls, so he’d assumed his completely platonic talent-crush on Nina was what people were talking about. Phrasing it like that sounded far too condescending and the last thing he wanted to do was become one of those people who preached to everyone and used the word ‘problematic’ several hundred times a day.

“I thought maybe I did, but probably not,” he tried instead, the simple explanation rolling much more easily off his tongue.

Nodding slowly, Benny considered his options. He had no wish to berate Sonny for coming out to him, but he wasn’t quite sure how to continue. There seemed no need to formally tell the kid that he accepted him, so instead he relaxed back into their usual mocking conversations.

“So basically you’re telling me that I no longer have competition,” he teased, smirking.

Relief flooded through Sonny’s body like Benny’s words had been an intravenous injection. One more person ticked off the list; one more reaction far more positive than he’d ever hoped.

“She’s all yours, man,” he laughed. “I’d rather have a dude.” His cheeks went a little red at the bold admission, but he wasn’t about to take it back. It was the truth, and he was finally proud of it.

“Any guy in particular?” Benny asked, curiously. From the fond look in Sonny’s eyes, it seemed like he’d been hiding even more than he’d already confessed to.  

“Maybe. Sorta.” Sonny blushed crimson, looking down at his feet. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Now this was news Benny could get on board with. Sonny had shown little interest in anyone after Nina had returned to college, as far as he’d known, and he was keen to find out exactly what he’d missed. Sonny was relentless in his teasing of his cousin and friend about their girlfriends and Benny had always been bitter there was no one Sonny liked that they could tease him back over.

“After hounding Usnavi and me for so long about Vanessa and Nina, we deserve to repay the favour. Who is it?” Benny asked, clearly demanding but gently enough that Sonny wouldn’t feel like he had to give up anything he wasn’t ready to.

“Pete.”

Sonny couldn’t help the soft smile that crossed his lips as he said the name. He knew it was sappy and revealingly affectionate, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Coming out went hand in hand with admitting his feelings for Pete to his family and friends, he’d known that from the start, and it was almost starting to feel natural to talk about it, in a way he never thought it would.

“And no hounding required, thanks,” Sonny added. “I’ve got him already; I don’t need a push. Or, in Usnavi’s case,” he smirked, “a shove and a kick and a manhandling. Pete’s… Pete’s already mine.”

It was impossible for his cheeks to get any redder at this point, and his blush instead crept down his neck.

Benny laughed, punching him softly in the shoulder.

“You’re head over heels, aren’t you kid?”

“Shut up,” Sonny muttered, still unable to stop smiling.

He was. He didn’t care.


	7. Carla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carla's chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: all my information about nut allergies comes from the internet. Please don't take medical advice from this because that would probably be bad.

Each second on the clock seemed to be dragging past, like someone had submerged the entire bodega in molasses. Sonny’s shift was inching by agonisingly slowly; his boredom and the heat combining to torture him. It didn’t help that Pete had promised to pick him up as soon as he was done at the store, the offer suggested in a tone that Sonny immediately knew meant they’d find themselves making out in Pete’s apartment. He’d much rather be doing that than aimlessly staring into space, half listening to the violent buzz of the air con.

When the bell above the door went, Sonny was almost glad for the distraction from his thoughts. He shook all anticipation of Pete and kisses from his mind, blinking himself back to consciousness and genuinely smiling when he looked up to find Carla was his customer. There was nothing to pass the time like a friendly pair of ears to fill with nonsense.

Carla, on her way home from a salon shift in the Bronx, needed to satisfy a sweet tooth and although she spent twenty minutes in the store all she brought to the till was a bag of peanut M&Ms. Sonny nearly didn’t charge her, but Usnavi had had stern words with him about profit and sustainability and actually making people pay for things they’re buying. So he took her money with a thankful smile and handed over change and a receipt. And if he gave her back 50 cents too much change, Usnavi didn’t have to know.

Before leaving the bodega, Carla ripped open the packet and threw an M&M into the air, catching it in her mouth with a triumphant grin and a wink to Sonny, who just laughed in return.

“I feel bad buying them when I know you love them. Here.” Carla smiled brightly, holding out the bag of sweets.

Sonny winced, reflexively flinching away. He did love them: they were his favourite candy and he used to eat a packet every other day. But then he’d started kissing a boy with a nut allergy on a very regular basis, and he’d been happy to sacrifice peanuts for that. Candy with nuts in it was a treat to be savoured when Pete away from the barrio for whatever reason, but Sonny avoided it like the plague when he had plans to get close to his boyfriend, and that was exactly what he’d had in mind for his evening.

“Thanks, but I’m okay,” he said firmly, trying to put the issue to rest before it became suspicious.

But this was Carla. Nothing slipped past her without proper explanation.

“They’re your favourite,” she said, surprised. “And don’t tell me you’re trying to lose weight, because you’re skinny enough as it is. We’ll lose you.” She clucked her tongue like a mother hen and shook her head disapprovingly.

Sonny tried to weigh up whether she’d be angrier if she suspected he was on a diet or if she learnt about Pete. He couldn’t imagine telling her about his boyfriend; he knew if he did then she’d gossip and he wasn’t ready for that. Everything needed to go one person at a time but Carla wasn’t one person; she was the entire neighbourhood and that was terrifying.  

“No, really. I’m just not hungry,” he protested. He was, but he just wanted to kiss Pete more than he wanted food.

“It’s one M&M?” Carla smiled, confused, and unaware that she was offering more than just a chocolate coloured peanut.

Sonny searched desperately for a reason to turn the candy down, but his mind seemed to have emptied itself of anything and everything helpful. Begrudgingly, he reached out and took a single M&M, forcing a smile as he bit down on it. He used to love the taste, and he still did – when he knew he wasn’t going to see Pete for several hours, but the chocolate tasted bitter on his tongue when he knew that one bite meant he couldn’t kiss his boyfriend like he’d planned.

Once Carla had shared her candy, she kissed Sonny’s cheek and finally made her way home. As soon as the bell rang above the door to signal the bodega was now empty again, Sonny groaned and let his head fall into his hands. That was how he wanted to stay until his shift ended, but he’d promised Usnavi that he’d actually get some work done around the store and he was trying not to give his cousin reasons to be pissed off with him. Dragging himself up out of the chair, he tried not to be too disappointed with how his evening was going to pan out. Not that he had anything against cuddling and just being close with Pete, but he much preferred it when they could do that _and_ make out.

Sonny lost track of time as he busied himself with chores around the bodega. Few other customers came by and he was sorting through boxes of crisps in the back in search of the one flavour that he needed to fill a shelf with when the bell rang again. He turned quickly, intending to go and welcome the customer, but the boxes he’d moved in search of cheese and onion crisps lay in forgotten stacks behind him and he span into them in his hurry. Knocked down to the floor of the stock room, surrounded by crisp packets raining down on him, Sonny glared up at the ceiling and cursed under his breath. His evening was not going well.

“Sonny?”

When Pete’s voice rang out, Sonny relaxed. All the tension in his body flooded away, replaced by a desire to curl up against Pete’s side and hide in his chest. And if Pete was stopping by, Sonny’s shift was over. Maybe things were looking up.

“Back here,” Sonny groaned, pain flaring in his coccyx and elbows as he started to move.

Pete appeared in the doorway, concern in command of his features. He’d clearly heard the loud crash and assumed the worst, but when he found his boyfriend surrounded by bags of crisps with the disgruntled look of an upset puppy on his face, he found it hard to supress his laugher. Sonny just glared, holding out a hand expectantly until Pete hauled him to his feet and pulled him close against his chest.

“Hi there,” Pete mumbled, amusement lighting up his eyes as he leant down for a kiss.

“No, don’t,” Sonny objected. He stepped away, dropping his head and pouting sadly at the floor. He hated himself for not having more courage to come out to Carla and avoid all this.

“What’s wrong?” Pete asked, genuine concern in his voice. He flicked through anything he’d done that could have upset Sonny, but nothing came to mind. The last time they’d seen each other he’d gotten a kiss goodbye and a grin, and as far as he knew nothing had changed.

Sonny just groaned, resting his forehead against Pete’s chest and hating himself as he admitted to the reason.

“We can’t. Carla asked me if I wanted a peanut M&M and I couldn’t think of a good reason to say no, so I ate one. Like a half hour ago.”

One nut-free meal and a four-hour wait. That was the recommended precautions after eating nuts before kissing someone with an allergy. They were both more than aware of the guideline they’d adopted as a rule; Sonny was pretty sure he could recite it in his sleep. It didn’t mean they were always happy about it.

Pete grumbled unhappily, propping his chin on the top of Sonny’s head and hugging him closer. It was eight thirty and Sonny’s curfew was eleven without prior rearrangement (Pete did not count as a decent reason to extent curfew, according to Usnavi’s terse decision on the matter), that meant their evening was going to be far more PG than he’d hoped.

“Can we not just take the risk? Please,” he asked hopefully, even though he was almost certain of the answer he was going to get.

Sonny considered it, he really did. It had only been one peanut, and the chances were it _probably_ wouldn’t kill Pete, but he liked his boyfriend alive and gambling with that sounded like a very short-sighted idea. One kiss wasn’t worth death when they could wait and have a lifetime of kisses instead. Not that Sonny was going to voice that opinion. Suggesting he and Pete would be together for ‘a lifetime’ scared him almost as much as giving Pete an anaphylactic shock did.

“We both know you can’t afford to end up in the ER,” he said quietly, pressing a small kiss over Pete’s heart through his t-shirt.

The commissions Pete was getting covered his rent and food and bills, but they didn’t leave much left over and Sonny knew they wouldn’t stretch to a trip to hospital. There was no debate to be had and Pete sighed resignedly.

“Why didn’t you just tell her?” he asked, sadly.

Sonny shook his head, not even looking up.

“If she knows, she’ll tell everyone,” he explained. “I’m not ready for that.” One person at a time. That he could cope with.

If there was thing Pete was determined never to do, it was to push Sonny. Not about how physical they were, not when they’d both struggled over saying ‘I love you’, and not about coming out. He was happy for things to move at Sonny’s pace, and that wasn’t about to change.

“Okay,” he said simply, pressing a kiss to Sonny’s forehead before taking his hand and heading towards the door. “Come on.”

“Where?” Sonny asked, confused. Technically he should probably clear up all the crisp packets and finish restocking the last few shelves, but he wasn’t exactly going to protest if Pete had other plans.

“My place,” Pete explained, like it was simple. “You look like you’ve had a miserable day so we’re going to find a shit movie to watch not-so-legally online, I’m going to buy you some more M&Ms because it doesn’t make a difference at this point and they make you happy, and we’re going to cuddle on my crappy sofa until you fall sleep, which I know you will because you always do. And then I’m going to wake up you at exactly twenty minutes to eleven so you have just enough time to wake up and get home before your curfew so your cousin doesn’t have me professionally killed. Sound like a plan?”

Sonny blinked mutely for a few seconds. It wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind, but it sounded so enticing that his entire body ached to follow Pete without question.

“…Yeah. Please,” he whispered.

He left the crisp avalanche behind, promising himself he’d clear it up before Usnavi came into work the next morning. His boyfriend was incredible and understanding and comforting, and that was all he wanted to focus on for the next three hours.

 

*****

“M&M?”

Sonny had never had history repeat itself quite so exactly as when Carla offered him another peanut M&M from another yellow bag that she’d bought on her way home from work, exactly a week later. For a few moments the overwhelming sense of déjà vu saturated his senses and he was too surprised to reply, but eventually he firmly shook his head. He’d loved spending a tooth-achingly domestic night with Pete, but he wasn’t keen to repeat an evening where he was afraid to touch his boyfriend for fear of giving him an anaphylactic shock.

“I can’t,” Sonny said resolutely.

“Wh-”

“My boyfriend is allergic.”

He’d said the words before he was aware his mouth was moving, but even as his brain caught up with his tongue he didn’t want to take them back. He realised he didn’t care. Carla knew. Maybe she’d spread the news round; maybe she wouldn’t. Whatever happened, it didn’t matter. He had Pete and he had a collection of people who loved him and supported him no matter what – the opinions of people who were going to hate him meant nothing.

“Your boyfr-?” Carla began, her jaw hanging open in shock.

“Yes.” Sonny’s stomach was doing an Olympic level gymnastics floor routine at this point, but he swallowed his anxiety and kept talking. “Boyfriend. Pete. If I eat peanuts and kiss him he could have an allergic reaction. That’s why I can’t eat peanut M&Ms much anymore.”

He looked up at Carla, terrified of her reaction. Whilst the opinion of the the barrio in general didn’t seem to matter much anymore, Carla was his friend and he hated the idea of her being angry or disgusted. She was blinking at him like she wasn’t quite sure how what to think.

“No me diga...” she mumbled, eyes wide.

“Yeah.”

Sonny scuffed the toe of his trainer awkwardly against the floor, shrugging like it was nothing. And it was. The gender of the person he was dating was largely irrelevant. What mattered was how loved and happy Pete made him feel, and if other people couldn’t see that then fuck them, in his opinion.

Internalising her new knowledge, Carla nodded slowly before her face suddenly fell.

“Sorry,” she said, sounding genuinely upset.

Sonny was shocked into silence for a second, before he stuttered out a “what?”. Was Carla really troubled because he was in love? The thought sat uncomfortably in his stomach, like a leaded weight dragging him down.

“Sorry you can’t eat peanuts anymore,” Carla explained, empathetically. “I know you like them.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Sonny asked, confused.

Carla shrugged and smiled. She didn’t know what else there was to talk about, and before she had the chance to think about something to add, the door of the bodega rang and a woman neither of them recognised walked into the store. Sonny immediately slipped into business mode, standing up straight and welcoming the customer. Patting his hand, Carla snuck out before he could say anything else to her. As the bell rang again to signify she was leaving, Sonny realised he hadn’t told her not to gossip about him.

And then he realised he didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I won't be able to update this story again until at least the 17th of June, but I promise I'm not abandoning it! The next chapter will be Kevin and Camila Rosario, then I've planned another three chapters after that and then I think it'll have come to its natural end. But I also have a few more plans for at least two prequel chapters and two sequel chapters that will be in the same series but not this story. I just really love this ship right now..!  
> Update over, hope you enjoyed the chapter! All the nice comments have made me so happy and it means a lot that people are enjoying this fic, so thank you all so much! ^.^


	8. Camila and Kevin Rosario

When Nina came into the bodega Sonny was amusing himself midway through an empty stretch of a long shift by throwing Skittles into the air and catching them in his mouth. With each successful catch he couldn’t help a celebratory fist pump, and each miss had him adding another sweet to the total he had to sweep up with a sigh. Usnavi wasn’t going to be impressed.

“Having fun?” Nina asked, amusement heavy in her voice as she supressed laugher at finding Sonny so intently focused on his game.

Turning his head quickly, Sonny winced as the last Skittle he’d thrown hit his cheek on it’s way down.  He scowled as Nina smirked, rubbing at his face. Turns out Skittles can fall with surprising force.

“Usnavi’s out back doing stock counts,” he explained. “What do you need?”

“I’m here to talk to you, actually,” Nina explained, leaning on the counter with her elbows and putting her chin in her hands, smiling brightly. “My parents are having a meal for me, for everyone, before I go back for my final year. I was wondering, did you want to bring Pete?”

“Woah.” Sonny blinked, the candies littering the floor suddenly completely forgotten. “I… Um. I’m not sure that I…” He trailed off, not even sure what he was trying to argue.

Taking Pete to one of the Rosarios’ dinners seemed incredibly formal. The events themselves were never particularly ceremonial, but if Sonny took Pete then it seemed like saying they were officially dating. Usnavi took Vanessa to those things; Nina took Benny. It was something couples did. But the more Sonny thought about it, the more appealing the idea of having Pete at his side sounded. They were a couple, too. They kissed and had date nights and slept together and said ‘I love you’; what else was there? Pete was important, and Sonny wanted to share that with his family in the barrio.

“Who’s going to be there?” He asked, swallowing the lump of anxiety in his throat.

Nina gave him a sympathetic smile, sensing his hesitation, and reached out to pat his arm - the easiest place she could reach.

“Me, you, Usnavi, Benny, Vanessa, Carla, Daniela, my parents. That all sound okay?”

Each name had Sonny nodding slowly. Most of them were on his ‘people that are well aware I’m gay’ list, so going to the dinner wasn’t going to involve a major shock to anyone.

“Yeah,” he decided. He couldn’t see Pete having much of a problem with going, so he knew the decision was up to him. “Yeah, that sounds cool. I mean, half those people know anyway. Do you think your parents will be okay with it?”

The only two people on the list who didn’t know. Vanessa had told him that Daniela had found out a few weeks prior, using the argument that she hadn’t gossiped about it yet so she almost certainly wasn’t going to start to calm his panic. (As far as Vanessa was concerned he didn’t need to know that Daniela did gossip about it, but only to her and Nina, and Carla once they’d figured out she’d found out too). Kevin and Camila Rosario were different though. They were older than Benny and Usnavi and Dani, and Sonny wasn’t stupid. He knew that they were from a different generation, that they’d grown up in way more traditional families. The chance of them accepting him with open arms was lower than it was with anyone else. Camila treated him like a son, but he didn’t know if that would continue when she learned about him and Pete. And he’d always been just a little scared of Kevin. The businessman of the barrio who seemed prideful and traditional. All bets were off as to how he’d react.

Nina frowned at Sonny’s question. She hadn’t technically asked them, but it was her meal so she figured she should be allowed to invite anyone she wanted to be there. And if Pete made Sonny happy, she wanted Pete there.

“I don’t see why not,” she smiled, promising herself she’d talk to them about it that evening. What was the worst that could happen?

 

*****

 

“Mom, can Sonny bring an extra person to my dinner next week?”

Nina asked the question as they were all sat around the table that evening, tentatively putting down her knife and fork.  It had occurred to her that her parents didn’t see what she saw. Half of her friends back at Stanford were LGBT and seeing them kiss and hug their significant others didn’t even remotely bother her. But her parents were more traditional, more stuck in the barrio. The last time someone had come out in the neighbourhood it had been José and Julio and the memory of her father clenching his jaw and staying silent when he’d heard about it had come rushing back to her as soon as she’d left the bodega. She almost didn’t want to out Sonny to her parents, the urge to keep him safe returning from when she was his babysitter, but she’d seen the look on his face when he’d agreed to bring Pete. That smile was only reserved for when he was completely and transparently happy, and it was obvious to her that he wanted Pete with him.

“Of course,” Camila Rosario smiled, like there was no consideration that she’d say no. There was always more than enough food, she wouldn’t even have to increase any of the recipes. “The more the merrier. Who?”

Nina stalled for a moment, unsure how exactly to describe Pete. Sonny had never referred to him as his boyfriend in front of her, but she had no reason to believe they weren’t in a committed relationship. She realised that she knew surprisingly little about exactly what was going on with Sonny’s love life, and promised herself she’d sit him down and talk to him before she went back to Stanford. For now, though, vague generalisations would have to do.

“A significant other, date-type-person,” she tried weakly.

Camila jumped to the obvious conclusion, and Nina cursed herself. She really should have seen that coming.

“He’s got a girlfriend? Oh how sweet. I half thought he’d have a crush on you forever.” She laughed fondly. There wasn’t a person in the barrio who hadn’t been highly aware of how much Sonny had liked Nina; he hadn’t kept it a secret and everyone had found it adorable.

“No,” Nina shook her head. “Not a girlfriend. Pete.”

There a long moment of silence so tense she could almost taste it. Her parents didn’t understand the connotations of what she was saying for a few seconds, but once they did their faces changed in an instant. Camila’s mouth fell open and surprise coloured her features; that was okay, Nina thought, surprise wasn’t necessarily bad. But Kevin’s reaction was completely different and it worried Nina far more. The stony disapproval that she found in his eyes felt like a stab in the stomach. She froze, terrified she’d made things difficult for Sonny.

“Pete? But-” Camila began, before Kevin stood up and interrupted.

“No.”

Nina’s heart broke. She wanted everyone to be as happy for Sonny as she was. Vanessa was, as were Daniela and Carla. Benny was somewhat amused that Sonny was in a relationship at all, regardless of gender, as Usnavi was still a little frosty but he was at least trying – and it was Pete he had a problem with, not Sonny’s attraction to men. It wasn’t like Sonny was lacking in support, but to her he was still the little boy she’d babysat and she wanted _everyone_ to accept him.

“Dad-” she protested, getting to her feet to face him directly so her attempts to plead were more likely to take root.

“ _No_ , mija. If he’s got a…” Kevin stumbled over his words, unsure how to phrase things. He swallowed his distaste and forced out the only word he could find. “A boyfriend, he’s not coming.”

Camila had been watching, keeping silent, until she heard the ‘this is over’ tone in her husband’s voice. She rolled her eyes: would he never learn that he did not make all the decisions in the Rosario family by himself?

“Enough, Kevin,” she ordered, not even bothering to get up. Nina was relieved when she received a supportive smile from her mother. “Of course, sweetie. Both he and Pete are more than welcome. I’ll talk to your father.” Kevin received a glare.

Repaying her mother’s smile with one of her own Nina exhaled slowly, proud her mother was more accepting. She sat back down in her chair, looking expectantly up at her father. Usually he listened, although sometimes begrudgingly, to his wife. But not this time.

“No, Cami,” he growled. “I won’t have that happening in my house.”

Tears sprung up in the corner of Nina’s eyes. She’d just wanted to give Sonny something nice, let him take Pete on what was essentially a date to somewhere that no one was going to judge them or even give them a second look, and she’d screwed it up.

“What, Dad?” She asked, raising her voice a little for the first time. Even if she couldn’t change her father’s opinion, she still couldn’t listen to him talking about Sonny like he’d done something wrong. “You won’t have a nice meal with all the people I care about happening in your house?”

“You care about Pete?” Kevin asked, sounding rather like how Usnavi used to talk about the barrio’s resident graffiti artist.

Nina didn’t have many opinions about Pete either way. She’d never really spoken to him but he was good to Sonny, made him smile. There were times she’d come into the bodega just after it opened to find Sonny staring off into the space, clearly deep in thought as he brushed his fingertips across his bottom lip like he was reliving a kiss, and she’d bet everything she owned that Pete had walked him to work and kissed him goodbye.

“Sonny cares about him, a lot,” Nina said frankly, “and I care about Sonny.”

“Maybe you’re wrong.” Kevin sounded desperate as he dropped down into his chair, like he couldn’t bear the thought of Sonny being gay. “I mean he always used to have a crush on you. He can’t be… that.”

“People change, Kevin,” Camila sighed, exasperated.

Nina knew she was trying to help, but she couldn’t help but correct her.

“No, Mom, it’s not like that. Sonny’s gay and he always has been, he just didn’t know until recently,” she explained gently, before turning to her father. “Pete makes him happy. You know Sonny; you like Sonny. Don’t you want him to be happy?” she asked, close to begging.

Kevin just shook his head. “You ask too much of me, Nina.”

Nina’s eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. This wasn’t a debate; she wasn’t going to let her father punish Sonny for this. Not now, not at the meal, not ever.

“It’s not too much!” She shouted. “I’m not asking you to shower him with rainbow confetti and profess your support for the LGBT community at large. I just want you to let the boy you’ve known all his life come to my farewell meal with the person he loves at his side. You let me bring Benny, you changed your mind about all that. Please, Dad.”

She looked at her father honestly, trying to let him see the pain in her eyes that hurting Sonny would cause her. Camila looked over at her daughter with a hint of pride in her smile; she knew in that moment she’d done a good job raising her child.

Kevin sighed, giving Nina a look that seemed to ring with suffering, but she just hardened her gaze. She loved her family, but in that moment she didn’t care about his opinion. Eventually, Kevin gave in. He broke eye contact, huffing as he forced a nod. Nina knew how to translate: he’d let Pete come to diner. She smiled, reaching across the table to take her father’s hand and squeeze it. He clearly wasn’t pleased with the idea of having Pete and Sonny over, but she was sure he’d start to change his mind when he saw quite how happy they were together – they lit up in each other’s presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally the longest chapter e v e r because it included the meal, too, but I split it in half so the dinner itself will be a bonus chapter, coming soon!


	9. Bonus - The Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nina's farewell dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The promised bonus dinner chapter! (which actually contains very little of the actual dinner but shhh let's not talk about that....)

Nina thought about not telling Sonny how her father had reacted. Admitting that someone he knew and thought cared about him had been so angered by finding out that he was happily in a relationship was at the very bottom of the list of things she wanted to do, but he deserved the advance warning. Even if the hurt in his eyes was devastating when she told him, she knew it was the right thing to do.

 

Sonny thought about not going to the dinner. Sitting there knowing someone in the room didn’t want him and Pete there just because they were together sounded like a bizarre but cruel form of torture and he so nearly stayed home. But Pete promised he was happy to go and Sonny knew Usnavi would stick by him if Kevin did or said anything, whether he was happy about the Pete situation or not. Besides, Sonny really did want to go out somewhere with Pete officially as his boyfriend, even if the place they went to was just the Rosario’s apartment, and Nina was his friend and he wanted to go to her farewell meal. Only Pete knew how nervous he truly was about the whole thing: the night before the meal he hadn’t gotten a single second of sleep, texting him until the early morning sunlight shined through his bedroom window. Pete had fallen asleep around two, and when he woke up to thirty messages from his boyfriend he got up three hours earlier than he normally would just to walk over to Sonny and Usnavi’s apartment and pull Sonny into a hug.

 

The meal itself was entirely how Sonny had expected it to be. He loved having Pete beside him, but hated not being able to touch him casually or call him ‘babe’, for fear it would end in arguments. Each dirty look Kevin shot him felt like a stone sinking in his stomach and he couldn’t help wishing for the night to be over. He felt guilty for not being able to appreciate Nina’s farewell dinner, especially when she went out of her way to make him happy. Not only had she invited Pete, she gave them both too many reassuring smiles to count throughout the evening, even clearing her throat to stop her father’s grumbling when Pete gave him one too many love-filled smiles. By the time they all moved into the living room, Sonny was caught in a paradox of feeling accepted and shunned, and it was messing with his head.

When Usnavi sat down on a sofa he pulled Vanessa into his lap, holding her close as she made cursory complaints before smiling contentedly and relaxing against her boyfriend’s chest. Benny gave Nina an inquisitive look before she informed with one sharp glare that he had no chance in hell of getting her onto his lap, and certainly not in front of her father. She claimed a seat on the sofa for herself, patting Benny’s shoulder when he sat on the floor at her feet, leaning back against the arm of the couch.

Pete glanced at Sonny out of the corner of his eye, wondering what the reactions of both his boyfriend and the room at large would be if he pulled him onto his lap. He wanted to. If Usnavi could do it with Vanessa without anyone batting an eye, he should be able to, too. But Sonny caught the look and shook his head minutely. There was such a thing as pushing things too far, and curling up together on the sofa seemed like crossing that line. He wasn’t ready, not yet.

There was one seat left on one of the sofas and Sonny gave it a single, melancholic look before sitting down on the floor beside the door, resting his head back against the wall. When Pete sat down beside him, Sonny couldn’t help but offer a sad smile. They left an inch of space between them, but when Pete shifted his foot so it lay alongside Sonny’s and gently intertwined their fingers where they rested on the floor, he didn’t protest.

He tolerated it for an hour, listening to the stories and gossip of his friends, happy to hear his name mentioned only in passing and for no story to focus on him and the man at his side. As the evening stretched on, his eyelids got heavier and heavier, weighed down by the stress and worry that had disturbed his sleep the night before. Had it just been him and Pete, he would have rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, relaxing against his side and closing his eyes to let himself nap. It was getting late; no one would mind if he fell asleep. But, according to Pete, he had a habit of occasionally mumbling in his sleep and he had no idea what he was likely to say. There were plenty of things the room at large did not need to hear. And they didn’t need to see him curling up against his boyfriend. He could vividly imagine the anger in Kevin’s eyes, and even if Camila and Nina’s presence meant he wouldn’t say anything, Sonny would still know that he was thinking it was wrong and disgusting. He hated the idea of anyone looking at his relationship like that. There was nothing wrong about the feeling of soft comfort that rolled through him when Pete walked into a room, or even the spark that leapt between their skin with their fingers brushed together. How could there be?

The feeling of incarceration in his own body got worse and worse. Vanessa was resting her head against Usnavi’s shoulder, blinking sleepily as she tried to pay attention to the story Nina was telling, and Sonny was aching with envy. He wanted that; he wanted it to be that simple. Eventually he gave up. Seventeen year olds shouldn’t have to deal with this, he thought bitterly, as he gently nudged Pete’s shoulder.

“Come with me,” he mumbled, keeping his voice low so he didn’t draw anyone else’s attention.

“Where?” Pete asked, confused, but not about to refuse Sonny anything.

When Sonny didn’t reply, instead climbing slowly to his feet and creeping out the door, Pete sighed and got up to follow. No one seemed to notice them go, until his eyes fell on Nina. She gave him a small smile and a soft nod that would be unnoticeable to anyone else, and Pete couldn’t help but return the gesture.

Sonny led him through to the kitchen, climbing out onto the fire escape and expectantly waiting for Pete to follow him. As soon as he had, Sonny wrapped his arms tightly around his waist and buried his face in the crook of his neck. He hadn’t quite realised just how hard the night would be: double checking every decision before he made it so no one would get angry or be made uncomfortable. It had been like manoeuvring a minefield and he just wanted to stop. He was tired, he was upset, and he wanted to touch his boyfriend for the first time in hours. He let the warmth of Pete’s embrace wash over him as the sound of car horns and the distant beat of a stereo rang in his ears.

“Sorry,” he mumbled into Pete’s shirt, still unwilling to let go. “I just needed…”

Pete smiled sadly down at his boyfriend, holding him tightly and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“I get it, it’s okay.”

He’d been able to feel the tension radiating from Sonny for the entire evening and it had been killing him that reaching out and pulling him into a hug or resting a hand on his leg was only going to make things worse instead of calming Sonny like he would hope. Pete knew he was best at tactile comfort, and having that means of cheering Sonny up taken away from him was the most frustrating thing he had ever had to sit through. He was as happy to be holding Sonny as Sonny was to be being held.

“I’m proud,” Sonny whispered, as if scared speaking any louder was going to get him overheard by everyone inside. “I’m so proud to love you and to be who I am, so why does it terrify me so much to hold your hand in front of people I know.”

Pete winced; he hadn’t known that Sonny was that scared. Nudging Sonny’s chin up, he kissed him gently and brushed his fingers down his arm until he found his fingers and captured them with his own.

“It’s a process,” he said, trying to be reassuring as he brushed his lips over Sonny’s cheekbone. “Give it a little while and you’ll get more comfortable with it.”

Sonny shivered. He already felt vulnerable from what had seemed like a trial of a dinner, and Pete was working his way into the cracks that had been left behind. It felt like he was bearing his soul and had it been anyone but Pete that was witness to it, he would have hated it. A combination of his fragility, the heat, and his lack of sleep had him barely able to stand on his feet, sagging his weight against Pete.

“Sit,” Pete ordered gently, sensing that Sonny wasn’t going to be able to stay upright for much longer.

Sonny was grateful to half-collapse to the floor of the fire escape, just lucid enough to appreciate the warm weather for preventing the metal underneath him from being biting cold. He wasn’t quite groggy enough to climb into Pete’s lap whilst they were technically in public – anyone walking past could look up and see them, after all – but he curled up against his side and rested his head against Pete’s arm. It didn’t take him long for his sleepless night to catch up with him and before long Pete was trying not to laugh as he had a dozing boyfriend using him as a pillow.

 

It took Usnavi a while to realise they were gone. He’d been absorbed in Nina’s story and his attention had been drawn away from the little looks Sonny and Pete had been giving each other all evening. It was obvious there was something going on and the pain in Sonny’s eyes had Usnavi particularly worried. So when he looked over and the space by the door was empty, he carefully nudged a drowsy Vanessa off his lap and slid off the sofa. Excusing himself from the room with a quick nod to Nina he looked round the apartment, finding no sign of his cousin or of Pete. He nearly gave up, about to send a text to Sonny to remind him that he was technically out past curfew, when he realised the window that led to the fire escape was wide open, the noise of the traffic of the city floating in. Instinct guiding him, he walked over.

Sonny was asleep, that much was clear. Usnavi cocked his head; he’d never seen his cousin look so calm and, up until a few weeks ago, he’d never have assumed that it would be another man that was capable of relaxing him so much. Seeing him curled up at Pete’s side was something Usnavi expected would make him feel uneasy, but instead he couldn’t help a fond smile.

“Hey,” he said, announcing his presence as he climbed through the window. Pete obviously wasn’t asleep and he didn’t want to creep up on him.

Usnavi’s voice, and the clang of the soles of his shoes against the metal of the fire escape, had Sonny shuffling fitfully in his sleep, and Pete frowned.

“Shhh,” he protested, not wanting his boyfriend to wake up if he didn’t have to. When Usnavi raised an eyebrow, Pete wanted to wither under his attention. He knew he didn’t like him, that much was painfully obvious, but he wouldn’t care if it wasn’t for the fact it made Sonny uncomfortable. Pete knew if he was awake he would be shuffling away and awkwardly not meeting his cousin’s eyes.

“You serious?” Usnavi asked, smirking. Pete had to be joking.

“Yeah, he needs to sleep,” Pete mumbled, keeping his voice quiet. “He stressed about this dinner all last night. I got so many text messages, man.” He shook his head fondly, absentmindedly stroking his fingers in abstract patterns over the back of Sonny’s hand.

Usnavi leaned against the wall, watching Pete for a long moment. He couldn’t help but admire the courage the kid had. He knew Usnavi wasn’t his biggest fan but he didn’t shy away from meeting his eye contact, almost challenging him to say he shouldn’t be with Sonny. Eventually Usnavi sighed and finally faced the problem he had head on with the person he held most accountable.

“You know you’re too old for him,” he said, matter of fact.

Pete’s content smile dropped and he couldn’t help but tighten his grip on Sonny’s hand just a little. He wasn’t going to let Usnavi make Sonny break up with him; not unless Sonny wanted to. There was nothing in his life that he cared about more; he’d give up art before he had to give up his boyfriend.

“He’s legal,” Pete scowled, defensive. When Usnavi’s eyes widened in surprise at the terseness of his tone, he sighed. “It’s a touchy subject.”

“It bothers you?” Usnavi asked, curious and a little confused.

Pete just shrugged, careful not to jostle Sonny too much. Would he prefer it if Sonny was a couple of years older? Probably. Would he swap the Sonny he did have for anything in the world? Never.

“More than it bothers him,” Pete admitted, his voice guarded and careful.

“Yeah,” Usnavi snorted. “Sonny doesn’t care at all. So why do you?”

There were a hundred answers Pete could have given, but after sifting through half of them ( _I love him, he’s the only person I want in my life like this, I can’t imagine myself without him_ ) he decided on the one he was most comfortable sharing – whether Usnavi wanted to hear it or not.

“Sometimes I remember how old he is and it seems like he’s just a kid. But he ain’t. He’s one of smartest people I know. I’d trust him with anything,” Pete whispered, only partially because he didn’t want to wake Sonny.

Usnavi didn’t say anything. There was an easy silence between them, broken only by the occasional laughter coming from the inside of the apartment, and Sonny mumbling a word or two under his breath in his sleep. When a car horn blared from the street below, it shattered the calm. It jolted Sonny and he blinked, half awake.

“Shhh, cariño,” Pete mumbled, kissing Sonny’s hair and stroking his leg gently to convince him to close his eyes again. When he registered the nickname he’d just called his boyfriend, he flinched and gave Usnavi an apologetic look. “Sorry.” It felt awkward to be affectionate in front of him when Pete knew he didn’t approve.

“It’s fine.” Usnavi waved it away. Anyone who could call Sonny sweetheart with that much love in their voice couldn’t be bad for his cousin. And if Sonny felt safe enough with him to fall asleep beside him, it wasn’t up to Usnavi to disprove.

Pete blinked, surprised to not find annoyance in Usnavi’s eyes. He paused for a second, before deciding to push his luck.

“Can I…” he began, before taking a deep breath and trying again. “Do I have your permission to take him home? I mean, back to mine. It’s closer, and all we’ll do is sleep.” A blush crept up his cheeks as he tried not to think about what he was implying they wouldn’t be doing. “Trying to get him to walk back to the bodega is probably going to be a bit of a stretch.”

It was the most practical option, yes, but he couldn’t deny that he was also desperate to sleep beside Sonny again. If he’d never known what it was like – how Sonny would cling like an octopus and breathe warm puffs over his collarbone and wriggle closer in his sleep – then he wouldn’t know what he was missing, but they’d had nights together on a semi-regular basis before Usnavi had found out about them and quitting them cold turkey had been miserable. They hadn’t stopped having sex, but it was far more difficult to fall asleep together in the middle of the day then it was to _sleep_ together. But Sonny had made a promise to Usnavi and Pete was trying to respect that. He was certain the thinly veiled secondary benefit to his request was clear, and he expected Usnavi to refuse. Instead, he nodded.

“Look after him,” Usnavi said, narrowing his eyes like it was an order, but he was still agreeing and Pete was shocked.

“I will. I do,” he promised, almost tripping over the words. He was forcing back a huge grin. He got Sonny for the night, with Usnavi’s blessing. He could hold him and sleep next to him and wake up beside him; his heart was thumping fast in his chest at the idea.

When Usnavi gave Pete one final nod and climbed back through the window, he let himself breathe again. He wasn’t quite ready to see that sad, pouty look on Sonny’s face when he got woken up so he sat for a second longer, feeling like he’d just jumped a huge hurdle. Usnavi trusted him. Usnavi spoke to him without glaring. Usnavi was letting Sonny stay with him for the night. It was definitely a step in the right direction, and he couldn’t wait to see the sad frown turn to a sleepy grin when he relayed the conversation to Sonny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more chapters left after this before this little (or now not so little, I guess) fic is done :)


	10. Bonus -Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete and Sonny are fighting and apparently Usnavi is acting as relationship counsellor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This happens a month or so after the last chapter so summer is over and Nina is back at college. Just in case you were wondering.

When Usnavi walked into the bodega to let Sonny know his early morning shift was over and he was free to go and spend the day with Pete, he stopped in his tracks. Instead of watching the clock and willing each second to tick by faster, Sonny had one packet of every peanut flavoured candy they sold in the store spread out on the counter in front of him. They were all open, and tiny bites of each one were gone. Reece’s Pieces, Peanut M&Ms, a Snickers bar, a Peanut Butter Cup, and five or six others had clearly been picked at, and Sonny was forlornly rolling an M&M back and forward across the countertop, his cheek pressed to the surface as his eyes lazily followed the candy like he was a sloth watching a tennis match.

Usnavi wasn’t sure what was more surprising: how sad Sonny looked, or the fact that he was eating nuts.  

“Pete out of town for a while?” he asked carefully, assuming that was the only reason his cousin would look so down and be eating something that would kill his boyfriend.

Sonny looked up slowly, letting the M&M roll to a stop at the edge of the counter.

“No,” he mumbled, slowly straightening out his spine and groaning as the muscles in his back cracked. Pete gave him massages sometimes, straddling his waist and kneading out the stress that built up from long shifts at the store. Sonny knew his boyfriend was good with his hands – his art proved that - but feeling those hands work on him always forced Sonny to bite back indecent moans. The memories brought an ache to his stomach, he didn’t know when he could have that again.

“We… had an argument,” he admitted.

Neither he nor Pete were prone to giving up their side of a debate. Sonny wanted the kisses and the touches and the intimacy back, even though it had only been three days since he’d last curled up in his boyfriend’s bed. They’d been avoiding each other since they’d fought and whilst Sonny had been doing a good job of putting up a good pretence in front of Usnavi, he couldn’t do it anymore.

Usnavi just blinked, confused. But he knew how much Sonny liked Pete and that would definitely explain his sad demeanour, but it didn’t quite explain the candy.

“And you plan on getting revenge by giving him an anaphylactic shock?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood just a little.

Sonny winced. Even if he was mad at Pete for not listening (and he wasn’t even sure he was mad anymore, he was just too prideful to call a truce), he never wanted to hurt him.

“If we’re not talking then I won’t be kissing him,” Sonny explained, sighing. He was far more comfortable talking to Usnavi about kissing Pete, and actually just about Pete in general, after Nina’s going away dinner. They were making progress and it sent a warm wave of contentment through Sonny’s stomach whenever he thought about it. “So I’m taking the opportunity to eat all the things I miss.” If he said it with enough conviction, then maybe it would actually make him feel better about it.

Raising an eyebrow, Usnavi turned to flip the sign on the door to ‘closed’. Clearly Sonny was upset and that was more important than ten minutes of business. He’d given up sitting up straight and was once again resting his forehead on the counter and Usnavi walked over to pat him reassuringly on the back.

“How’s that working out for you?” Usnavi tapped the brim of Sonny’s hat to get him to look up, bleary eyes and deep, worried frown and all.

Sonny pouted; he just wanted to sleep. Actually he wanted to climb in bed beside Pete and use his chest as a pillow, falling asleep in a warm embrace, but he couldn’t have that. Not now.

“Turns out I like Pete more than I like Reece’s Pieces,” he admitted, flicking the M&M on the floor and ignoring the glare he got from Usnavi for his troubles. “Who knew,” he sighed.

“Wow, that much?” Usnavi teased, unable to stop himself. Sonny had loved peanut candy as a child, it had been a sure-fire way to bribe him into doing anything. Nina had come pretty close to leading a petulant Sonny to bed with a trail of M&Ms à la Boo from Monsters Inc several times whilst she was babysitting him.

“Shut up,” Sonny groaned, letting his head fall back to the counter. Usually he’d poke fun at Usnavi right back but he wasn’t in the mood, just about able to give him the universal symbol for ‘fuck off’.

Usnavi pushed on Sonny’s shoulders, getting his reluctant cousin to sit up and face him. If Sonny was in a serious relationship, which he definitely seemed to be, then he couldn’t sit around and mope instead of facing whatever problems he and Pete were having.

“What you fighting about?” Usnavi prompted gently.

Sonny sighed. He didn’t want to talk about it but he was also aware that Usnavi wasn’t about to let the conversation go unless he got an answer.

“Me. My life. He wants me to apply to universities, and I just… don’t.” Sonny’s voice was quiet as he finished his explanation. He wanted to. He really wanted to. Even if it would take him away from home and Usnavi and Pete for four years, he dreamed of following in Nina’s footsteps and getting a degree. He wanted to prove that he was worth something, that he could do some good in the world. But it was never going to happen and he’d resigned himself to that, Pete’s insistence that he should at least apply was only opening old wounds.

“Why not?” Usnavi was confused. He knew Sonny had big ideas for his future.

“Come on,” Sonny said, self-mockery thick in his voice. “We both know there’s no way I’m going to get a scholarship like Nina. I can’t afford college.” He exhaled thickly, unable to meet his cousin’s eyes; he hated not feeling good enough.

It was killing Usnavi not to reveal the secret he’d been keeping. As promised, Sonny had been given a third of the lottery money Abuela had won, and Usnavi knew he had been saving it to potentially pay college fees, but it still wasn’t going to be enough. Usnavi had kept a third for himself, using the majority of it to pay off his debts. And then there was Abuela’s third. $32,000 that Usnavi had kept safe in a bank account, earning a little more in interest. On Sonny’s eighteenth birthday, that was going to be his gift – money to pay for college. With that and his own third, he would be able to afford most of the fees.

“Apply and see?” he said instead, trying to nudge Sonny in the right direction. He had so much faith that his cousin would do great things.

Sonny just shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”

He couldn’t help but glare at Usnavi a little. Clearly he was already feeling shitty about the situation with Pete and yet Usnavi couldn’t just let this one debate go for now?

“Is this the argument you’re having with Pete?” Usnavi asked, and Sonny decided that the universe really didn’t want to give him a break.

“…Yeah,” he sighed. “Why?”

Usnavi couldn’t help but smile a little.

“We both just want the best for you, kid. You’ve got so much potential.”

He was glad Pete saw Sonny the same way. He’d made no secret of his dislike of the kid in the past, but he’d been slowly proving himself to be someone Usnavi could actually like. He made Sonny happy, he cared about him, and he protected him. Although he would still rather Pete were a little younger, he seemed surprisingly good for Sonny.

Usnavi’s use of the word ‘we’ almost had Sonny forgetting about everything he’d been worrying about.

“So you’re siding with Pete?” Shocked didn’t quite cover it. “Is it the rapture?” He was only half joking – the memory of Usnavi practically walking in on him and his boyfriend and vehemently disproving was still strong and a little sore.

“He’s not so bad.” Usnavi shrugged.

Sonny was silent for a long moment, not quite sure how to reply. His jaw dropped a little and he blinked. Relief rolled though his stomach and he had to swallow the lump in his throat. He hadn’t expected to feel so happy to hear Usnavi’s direct approval. ‘Not too bad’ from him meant the world to Sonny.

“Who are you and what have you done with my cousin?” He asked, laughing a little.

Usnavi pulled a face and glared, despite the smile on his lips.

“You still can’t spend the night with him,” he pointed out, attempting to be stern – except Sonny’s grin was more than a little infectious.

“Ah, there he is,” Sonny smirked. “You’re aware that teenagers actually can have sex while the sun is still up, right?”

In hindsight it probably wasn’t a sensible thing to say. The smile dropped from Usnavi’s face as it was replaced with a scowl.

“Not helping any of your ‘make Usnavi like Pete’ arguments,” he pointed out, wrinkling his nose.

“Ah,” Sonny grinned, leaning forwards and resting his chin on his hands. “But you just admitted you do like him.” He was too happy to know that Usnavi didn’t completely hate Pete anymore to feel embarrassed that he’d admitted to having sex with his boyfriend. Not that he really doubted that Usnavi already knew that – unfortunately.

“I can take it back,” Usnavi pointed out, laughing when Sonny just stuck his tongue out immaturely. “Now are you going to go and make up with him or are you going to eat my entire stock of peanut candy?” He asked, gesturing to the packets littering the counter.

Sonny nodded slowly; he didn’t even care about pride and integrity anymore. Talking about Pete just made him miss him more and the fact that he could crawl into his boyfriend’s bed within a half hour was starting to seem like a very persuasive argument on the side of agreeing to disagree – at least for the meantime. And then then he looked down at the candies in front of him and groaned, cursing himself.

“I can’t,” he sighed. “Four hours and a nut-free meal, or I really could kill him.” He much preferred his boyfriend alive, and he wanted him to stay that way.

Usnavi just rolled his eyes yet again, poking Sonny in the shoulder.

“This might come as a shock, but you can make up with someone without making _out_ with them,” he explained slowly, like talking to a small child.

“But it’s no where near as fun,” Sonny winked. The difference between joking with his cousin about kissing his boyfriend and how he’d avoided mentioning Pete at all costs for fear of how Usnavi would frown was so striking that it made his head a little hazy.

Still, Sonny had to admit Usnavi had a point. It was midday, so by 4 he’d be able to touch his boyfriend without being afraid of killing him, and in that time they could talk and watch crappy television. It sounded domestic and enticing, and Sonny was suddenly eager to get away. He looked around the store for a moment, the corner of his lips quirking up into a smile when an idea started to form. Before Usnavi knew what was happening, Sonny was standing at the slushie machine putting together one of his favourite ridiculous mixes.  

“What are you doing?” Usnavi asked, amused.

“Ceasefire slushie and apology Nerds.”

Sonny sprinkled some of the candies in question over the top with a flourish and then capped it off with a plastic lid and grabbed a straw. He was halfway towards the door when Usnavi shouted after him.

“Still a dollar twenty-five!”

Groaning, Sonny turned back.

“Man, how come Vanessa gets free coffee all the time then?” he complained, pouting. Whenever she dropped by the store to visit Usnavi she usually had a coffee in her hand within thirty seconds, and Sonny wasn’t sure she’d ever paid for a single one of them.

“Because Vanessa is my girlfriend and I own the store,” Usnavi explained, the ‘talking to a toddler’ voice back. “And while Pete may be your boyfriend, you do _not_ own the store.”

Another warm burst of thankfulness spread through Sonny’s chest. Usnavi was actually _verbally admitting_ that Pete was his boyfriend _without any hint of disapproval_? He had no idea quite what Pete had done to impress his cousin so much, but he was praying to every god he could think of that he kept doing it. And as for getting away with appropriating free slushies, Sonny widened his eyes and blinked innocently, pouting just a little.

“Those puppy eyes shouldn’t work past age ten…” Usnavi sighed, crossing his arms.

“But…?” Sonny trailed off, hopeful.

“But you’re damn lucky they still do,” Usnavi grumbled as he waved Sonny off with the slushie.

Grinning and blowing Usnavi a half sarcastic kiss, Sonny flipped the sign on the door to ‘open’ before practically skipping down the road. Usnavi was being incredibly nice about Pete; he was going to see his boyfriend again; and it was a Saturday so school wasn’t for another two days, meaning he had plenty of time on the Sunday to make up for the three days he’d been avoiding Pete. His life, Sonny decided, could definitely have been going worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to get this story finished before I go away but I've been a) busy and b) ill, so that hasn't really happened. Still two more chapters to go, but unfortunately no updates until August. Sorry!


	11. Abuela Claudia (kind of)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny visits Abuela Claudia's grave to tell the last important person about Pete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter; hope that's okay! Next one will be longer ^.^

“Usnavi, can I go to Brooklyn tomorrow?”

Sonny asked the question over breakfast, a hint of hesitation in his voice. In his entire life he’d been to Brooklyn exactly three times, so Usnavi’s surprise over the request was more than understandable.  
“Sure…?” Usnavi replied, a little confused. But Sonny was almost an adult – as he constantly tried to insist – and there was no reason he shouldn’t be allowed to go. Still, Usnavi wanted to know what his reasons were. “Why?”

Looking down into his cereal and circling his spoon though the milk, Sonny mumbled at the table, barely audible.

 “I want to go and talk to Abuela.”

It sounded stupid. Abuela had been dead just over two years so any conversation would be rather one sided, but Sonny couldn’t shake the desire to go and visit her grave anyway. Usnavi stopped in his tracks, looking his cousin over with a worried eye.

“Everything okay?” he asked, concerned.

He was more sensitive to Sonny’s emotions now. They both knew rumours were spreading about Sonny and they’d settled into a state of permanent – albeit low-key – alert for something bad to happen. Usnavi was worried someone would say or do something that hurt his cousin, and it seemed like he was more or less waiting for him to get overwhelmed by the whispers.

Sonny knew that Usnavi was worried and he was quick to reassure him that nothing had happened.

“Yeah. I just want to tell her about Pete,” he explained, quietly. “Everyone else knows, it feels right that she does, too. Even if she can’t hear me.”

Usnavi sighed, part in relief that it wasn’t something worse that was bothering Sonny, and part with residual depression over the loss of Abuela. He nodded silently, with what he hoped was a reassuring smile and Sonny offered a small “thank you” back. The vulnerable look in his eyes had Usnavi’s heart almost breaking. He was still a kid, no matter what he said, and Usnavi couldn’t help the urge to keep him safe.

 

The trek out to Brooklyn was a great reminder to Sonny why he almost never made the trip. That, and that he never quite felt as safe outside of the barrio as he did inside it - even with the abounding rumours about him and Pete that were gaining traction. It was nice to get away from the second looks and the whispers but the barrio felt like home, gossip or not. Still, visiting Abuela’s grave was worth the trip.

He was surprised by now well he remembered the way to the headstone, but his feet seemed to take him to the right place without any instruction. It didn’t seem like long until his hands were grazing the coarse stone and the incredible sense of loss from two years ago was flooding back.

Taking a deep breath and letting the air leave his lungs in a long sigh, Sonny carefully sunk to the floor, sitting cross legged with his back straight. He had no idea what the rules were when talking to your dead relatives, but he figured it couldn’t hurt to be polite. It wasn’t that he believed in ghosts, he just needed the symbolism of telling the one important person who didn’t know.

“Hi, Abuela,” he started, waving awkwardly before dropping his hand, feeling stupid. “This feels so fucking weird,” he muttered, before snapping his head up and guilty biting his lip. “Sorry. You never liked it when I swear. Said none of the girls would like it.”

He couldn’t help a snort of laughter – the irony was too much. Abuela would always use ‘the girls won’t like that’ or ‘you’ll never find a girlfriend doing that’ to stop him doing whatever she didn’t like, be it swearing or putting his feet up on the furniture or not helping with the washing up. She’d never expected it to be guys he was interested in instead. At first the comments had just made him pout and screw up his nose, like any kid would, but eventually they made him more and more uncomfortable for reasons he couldn’t explain. By the time he realised why, the comments had stopped coming.

“See, here’s the thing,” Sonny swallowed and wrung his hands together. “There’s not really any girl. There never will be. I’m gay.” The words felt awkward on his tongue but he pushed through the desire to curl up and hide.

“Hell, that’s weird,” he mumbled. “I guess I don’t really say it out loud, much. And there’s this guy.” A small smile crawled on to his lips and he couldn’t find the will to push it away. Talking about his boyfriend would never not make him happy. “Pete, you remember? Usnavi hated him, always said he was a punk. But I love him.”

Sonny hugged his legs to his chest and buried his grin in his knees. It felt strange to be smiling so much in a graveyard, but he couldn’t help it. It felt like a relief to tell Abuela, even if he could only speak to her final resting place. She wasn’t really there but he felt the need to reassure her that everything was okay.

“He’s sweet and talented and makes me laugh. I’m happy, and I think that’s what would matter to you, right?” There was so much hope in his voice and he would have done anything to get a real answer. Abuela was from a different generation, Sonny knew that, and it was probably most likely that she wouldn’t have approved, but he wanted to pretend.

“I would have told you, about the gay thing, when you were still here,” Sonny shrugged, “but I guess I didn’t really know. I wish I knew whether you’d have been okay with it.”

He went quiet after that, just sitting and watching and waiting – although for what he didn’t know. When a weak breeze ruffled his hair, he sighed. Abuela used to do a similar thing when he was a kid and it felt like an echo of his childhood memories. Homework at the kitchen table; feeding the birds day-old breadcrumbs; listening to stories from Cuba.

“I miss you, Abeula. We all do,” he whispered, bowing his head and turning serious for a moment. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but by the time he got up and started the walk back to the train his legs were aching from the sudden movement after so long being still. Despite the pull in his muscles, the weight on his shoulders felt far, far lighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter of this story left! But there's another story in the works that's basically a sequel to this and that's going to have at least 6 chapters so woo (hopefully woo?)


	12. Bonus - The Grate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny faces the repercussions of finally getting comfortable with himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for death threats, slurs and homophobia. All that makes it sounds more severe than it is, but better to be safe than sorry, right?
> 
> I debated making this another finding out chapter for the neighbourhood in general but technically they've all already found out and this is just the result, so I thought a bonus chapter was better. Hope you enjoy!

There was no single moment that Sonny could pinpoint as when he was officially out to the barrio, but by the time the end of October rolled around he was no stranger to holding Pete’s hand in the street. He didn’t do it all the time, but he felt like he could whenever he wanted it and that seemed like nothing short of a miracle. It wasn’t the smoothest transition and Sonny knew the whispers about him were getting louder and louder, but they could never quite get overwhelming when Usnavi had started smiling when Pete walked him to the bodega for his shifts. It was always a reminder to Sonny that his family was supportive - and that was all that mattered.

It was late afternoon and Sonny was supposed to be working the last shift in the bodega that evening. He’d gone to Pete’s as soon as school was over and he would have been more than happy to spend the entire night there but he’d got a not-so-subtle text from Usnavi reminding him that the outside world still existed and he’d had to drag himself away from what was basically his second home with a groan and an exasperated sigh.

“Work beckons,” he mumbled, searching around for his shirt and tugging it over his head only to realise it had far too much paint on it to be his own. He contemplated taking it off and not kidnapping Pete’s clothing, but he was already wearing it and really what was one shirt…

Pete pouted but, as soon as Sonny was dressed and there was no longer a view to enjoy, he got up and pulled on some clothes himself. He didn’t want Sonny to be late because of him. Usnavi seemed to like him at the moment and that was a welcome and unexpected change that he really didn’t want to see reverted. So he took his boyfriend’s hand and kissed the back of it softly, enjoying the way Sonny seemed to melt a little at the casual, simple affection. They were both suppressing wide grins as they trekked the familiar little walk up to the bodega.

 

The door was open when they got to the store, the comforting heat of the evening too pleasant to shut out. But it also meant sound from inside wasn’t shut in.

“-best you don’t tell him. Paint over it, it’s fine. Sonny doesn’t need to know.”

Sonny stopped in his tracks when he heard his name, gesturing for Pete to stop too so he could eavesdrop for a moment without getting seen. The voice was Vanessa’s, he was almost certain, and a deep frown commanded his features. What didn’t she want him to know?

The next voice was Usnavi’s and it only confused Sonny further.

“I don’t want the portrait gone; I’d have to ask Pete to redo it. And there’s no way he wouldn’t tell him so-”

Frustrated with the lack of context, Sonny strode forwards into the store, Pete awkwardly hanging back – unwilling to get into a confrontation with his boyfriend’s cousin, and demanded answers.

“Don’t tell me what?” He asked, offended that there seemed to be a plot going on to keep what he could only assume was important information from him.

“Sonny!” Usnavi remarked, thrown by his sudden appearance. He looked almost afraid as he tried to cover his tracks. “Nothing! It doesn’t matter.”

Sonny narrowed his eyes. It clearly did matter. Vanessa was refusing to make eye contact with him, biting her lip and looking sadly at the floor. Usnavi seemed to be almost begging him to let it go. Something was most definitely up.

“It’s the grate, isn’t it?” Sonny realised, tying together the clues he had. “Tell me.”

“No, really, it’s…”

Clearly he wasn’t going to get any answers by asking. Rolling his eyes, Sonny turned on his heel and marched out the shop. He wasn’t a child anymore – whatever it was, he could handle it. He’d handled being a gay kid from the Dominican Republic living in the barrio, which meant the whole world was pretty much against him. He could handle anything. If no one would tell him what was going on, he’d find out for himself.

“Sonny!” Usnavi protested, jumping off the stool behind the counter and chasing after his younger cousin. “Don’t.”

Sonny brushed away Usnavi’s words and tugged at the grate until it had slid out several feet. His brow furrowed when he saw unfamiliar red streaks across the metal and, once Usnavi and Vanessa were out of the store, he pulled the grate all the way across.

 

The mural of Abuela Claudia was painted over. The words ‘DIE FAGGOT’, in a red that reminded Sonny way too much of blood, had been sprayed over the top, covering all of Pete’s work.

For a moment, he stood there in silence, unable to move. Tears collected at the corners of his eyes, but not because he was hurt by the threat. It was clear the graffiti was aimed at him - he’d been gradually getting closer with Pete in public, giving him kisses on the cheek to say goodbye or holding his hand when he felt particularly affectionate; but the slur didn’t bother him. It was the defilement of Pete’s beautiful work and something that mattered to Usnavi so much that upset him. The grate was an homage to the bodega’s abuela – she mattered to everyone. And it was Sonny’s fault it had been destroyed.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispered, horrified, as he took a step back.

Pete reached out to pull him into a hug so he could offer some semblance of reassurance, but Sonny flinched away powerfully under his touch. It was involuntary, but it tore Pete’s heart in two. The last thing he wanted was for this make Sonny feel guilty about who he was.

Usnavi gave Pete an apologetic shrug before hugging Sonny himself, rubbing his back like he was comforting a small child.

“Hey, no,” he mumbled. “This isn’t your fault.”

Sonny’s only response was unintelligible muttering, lost into the fabric of Usnavi’s shirt.

Pete awkwardly hovered, unsure of how best to help. He wanted to touch his boyfriend, to comfort him and let him know that everything was going to be okay; but clearly he wasn’t welcome. Vanessa rested a hand on his arm and gave him a sympathetic smile, but the feeling of uselessness was too overpowering to do nothing.

“I’ll fix it. For free. I can paint over it,” he offered. It was his fault as much as Sonny’s that the grate had been ruined. He’d been just as open with his affection, and he felt the need to make it up to Usnavi that he had been the one punished for their love. Plus, he wanted that horrible threat gone. It made his fists clench and bursts of adrenaline flow through his bloodstream that someone could say something like that. Sonny had done nothing wrong.

“You don’t have-” Usnavi began, but Pete cut him off firmly.

“I want to.”

“Thank you.”

There was genuine, pseudo-parental affection in Usnavi’s words and at any other time Pete would have considered that the greatest achievement of his life but Sonny was close to tears and that was way more important that anything else. Usnavi clearly thought so, too.

“Sonny?” he said, prompting his cousin to look away from the grate. “It’s not your fault. It’s really not. It’s just some idiot who can’t see past the end of his own prejudice. You know who taught me that? You. Yeah?” The words felt foreign in his mouth – they were almost an exact quote of something Sonny had said before – but they seemed to work at least a little.

“…Yeah,” Sonny replied, his voice unsteady and rough with too much emotion.

For a long moment, no one spoke. The best way to proceed was unclear and no one wanted to suggest something just for it to be the wrong decision. In the end Vanessa sighed and pushed the grate back closed, shepherding Pete and Sonny into the bodega, leaving Usnavi to follow behind.

She led the through to the stock room where they wouldn’t be disturbed by any potential customers that might come in, ducking out with an encouraging smile and a kiss to Sonny’s cheek. It was obvious they needed to talk and she had her own words to say to Usnavi.

The moment they were left alone Sonny gave in to the string that seemed to always be pulling him towards Pete. He hugged him tightly, burying his face against his neck and breathing in faint paint fumes.

“It’s okay, cariño. It’s okay,” Pete soothed, following Usnavi’s lead and rubbing Sonny’s back.

“It’s my fault,” he whispered, cringing at the admittance. Sure, he hadn’t actually been the one to paint the words, but he was absolutely certain he was the reason they were there.

“No,” Pete replied firmly, trying to leave no room for argument. Except this was Sonny and he could always find an in for debate somehow.

“ _Yes_. It was your beautiful work and it meant so much to Usnavi, and now it’s ruined because of me.”

Sonny stepped back out of the embrace. He didn’t deserve it. And besides, he shouldn’t. Hugging Pete was what had gotten them into this mess and he was trying to make things better.

The cogs and gears turning in Sonny’s brain were so obvious that Pete could almost hear the metallic clang, but he was certain that it was all boiling down to the wrong conclusion.

“ _No_ ,” he protested, almost begging Sonny to see things clearer. “Because of some idiot with too much spray paint and too little sense. Not because of you.”

It was clear that Sonny didn’t believe the words. He hugged his arms around his body, gripping at his elbows with the opposite hands. If he didn’t hold on to himself then he’d want to touch Pete again and evidently that was something he should be trying to do less.

“Maybe we should…” He trailed off, not wanting to actually voice the idea out loud. It wasn’t difficult for Pete to pick up the train of thought.

“Maybe we should what? Stop kissing in public? Never hold hands? Getting back in the closet isn’t the answer. It’s never the answer.” He gently eased Sonny’s hands out of their vice-like grip on his arms and held them gently before kissing one softly like he had less than half an hour earlier - only this time Sonny flinched instead of smiling. Pete sighed. This was all wrong.

“There’s _nothing_ wrong with you, with _us_. You don’t have to hide because of one bastard.”

“I know,” Sonny said, but he didn’t sound as certain as he’d hoped he would. “But can we… tone it down a little? No kissing goodbye outside. In the bodega and apartments is fine, but not on the street.”

It was all backwards. They were meant to be getting more free with casual affection, not more confined. Acting like a normal young couple had made Sonny happier than he could have ever dreamed to be when he first realised he was something other than straight, and he didn’t want to take that away from himself. But someone out there was clearly willing to hurt the people he loved to punish him for that happiness, and he couldn’t allow that to happen again. This time it was crude tagging. What if next time it was a rock through the window. Or arson. Or worse. He had no idea how bad it might get.

“Is that what you want?” Pete asked. He wouldn’t deny Sonny anything, even this, but he wasn’t convinced he was thinking clearly.

“No. But I think it’s necessary.” The admittance was quiet and resigned, and when it resulted in a long, frustrated sigh from Pete, Sonny frowned. “You’re upset?”

That wasn’t what he wanted either. He wanted everyone happy.

Pete ran his fingers through his hair, trying to think of the best way to word what he wanted to say. He had to get his feelings across, but he didn’t want to pressurise Sonny into something he didn’t want.

“I love you. I don’t want to stop touching you. If it’s what you need to feel safe then of course I’ll do it, but I’ll miss it.”

Pure honesty rang through the words and it broke Sonny’s heart. Neither of them wanted to keep their distance in public, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still for the best.

“It’s not so I feel safe, it’s so you’re safe. You and Usnavi,” he tried to explain. But Pete just cupped a hand against his cheek and rubbed a small circle with his thumb. Sonny blushed, aware that he was being looked at like he was something special and important when he felt anything but.

“I’d rather be happy than safe, cariño,” Pete mumbled, pressing his lips to Sonny’s so lightly they barely grazed – but the feeling was enough to make him shiver and involuntarily lean closer. When he realised what he was doing, Sonny stepped back and tried to shake the content fog from his mind.

“Pete…” he began, his voice heavy with sighs.

“I would!”

Pete stuck by his answer. If getting to hold Sonny’s hand meant facing a few unsavoury comments, then so be it. It was more than worth it.

Finally something was starting to get through to Sonny. He paused, considering. He would rather be happy than safe, too, and nothing made him happy like a goodbye kiss at the door of the bodega before his shift; except perhaps a kiss hello at the end of a morning shift before the walk to Pete’s apartment. But it wasn’t just himself he had to think about.

“Well what about Usnavi? He didn’t ask for this. It’s not fair for me to put him and the store in harm’s way just because I want to hold your hand.” Sonny folded his arms, convinced he’d found his winning argument. Family had to come first.

“He’d want you happy, too,” Pete shrugged. “Above anything.”

“You don’t know that!” Sonny protested “Maybe-”

He was cut off mid-sentence as the door slowly swung open and Usnavi shuffled in, looking at the floor just long enough, Sonny noted, for them to potentially untangle themselves from a kiss. If only.

“Hey. Everything okay?” Usnavi asked, cautious as he sensed an air of tension in the room. “Whatcha talking about?”

Pete considered saying nothing, really he did. But if there was one person who could put this debate to rest then it was Usnavi.

“Sonny wants to not hold my hand in public because he’s worried it’ll make things difficult for you – like with the grate,” he explained quickly, ignoring the searing glare he got from Sonny for his troubles.

Usnavi blinked, confused, for a few seconds until he registered what Pete had said.

“Seriously? Sonny, I don’t care about that. It’s nothing. I don’t want you to change because of some idiot who tried to give my awning a new look. Not for my benefit. You just do what makes you happy, yeah?” He gave his cousin; his stupidly selfless, brave, strong cousin; a grin and a friendly punch on the shoulder, trying to get him to see that everything really was okay.

Sonny met Usnavi’s eyes straight on, searching them for any uneasiness or fear. When he found nothing he blinked in surprise, nodding slightly to himself before he turned it into a bigger movement and let out a long exhale of breath.

“…Yeah,” he mumbled.

Turning to Pete, he stepped closer to him again and wriggled back into the embrace that he’d torn himself away from before. Even if they’d agreed nothing had to change, he was still somewhat shaken from what was essentially a death threat and he wanted to feel intensely loved and overwhelmingly safe just for a little longer. Pete held him tight with a soft smile, giving Usnavi a silent nod that clearly meant ‘thank you’ as he excused himself from the room mumbling something about restocking toothpaste that was clearly just a reason to leave them alone some more. Not that either boy minded all that much.

 

When Sonny left the bodega after his shift that evening, Pete was waiting to pick him up. He wordlessly held out his hand, holding his breath so deeply it almost hurt, until Sonny gave him a forced confident smile and tangled their fingers together. As they walked back to Pete’s apartment (they had forty minutes until Sonny’s curfew which meant about ten minutes together before they had to head back by the time they got there, but somehow it still seemed worth it), Sonny couldn’t help but be glad he didn’t have to face the bigoted idiots in the world by himself. If Pete was there, he could do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote! 
> 
> Well, for this story anyway. Stay tuned for another fic in the same series in the not too distant future :) Thanks for sticking with me through this! Your comments have been lovely and your feedback so helpful! It all really means a lot, so thank you so much ^.^


End file.
